Daniel Purcel, the Hibernian punster, going along with a great mob of spectators assembled to see a culprit pass to his execution at Tyburn, asked a genteel person, who was standing in the crowd, what was the name of the fellow going to be hanged. He answered, ‘One Vowel.’ ‘Ah!’ said Purcel, ‘Do you know which of them it is, for there are several of that name?’ ‘No,’ returned the other, ‘I do not.’ ‘Well,’ said the wag, ‘this however is certain, and I am very glad of it, that it is neither _U_ nor _I_.’ When the Leith Docks were to be opened, old Gow’s band was summoned to play some appropriate air, and Sir Walter Scott suggested ‘Water parted from the sea.’ MILITARY ETIQUETTE.--During the late rebellion in Ireland, General Berresford (now Peer and Field-Marshal) commanded a district, and, upon one occasion, proceeded to inspect a country Corps of Yeomanry, drawn up for that purpose. On riding up to their front, instead of being received with ‘presented arms,’ he found the corps ‘standing at ease.’ The Captain had, in fact, on first seeing the General, given the word ‘attention,’ to which no attention was paid--but, pressed by the General’s rapid approach, he proceeded to the next order of his formula, ‘shoulder arms.’ To add to his embarrassment, however, the arms moved not. The General, with his characteristic good-nature, suggested to the Commandant to speak in a louder tone, who, not a little indignant, repeated with a Stentorian voice, ‘shoulder arms,’ but all to no purpose; there stood the corps, dogged and motionless. Such a total apparent ignorance of the manual exercise, naturally excited the chagrin of the Captain, and the astonishment of the General, to whom the former only a few days before had been puffing off the discipline of his corps. At length, the General having intimated his intention of reporting the corps, was about to leave the field, when a Serjeant with his ‘halbert recovered,’ stepped in front of the ranks, and addressed the General in the following terms:--‘Plase your honour, General; don’t think the corpse does not know its exercise as well as any sojers in the land. There is not min in the country knows how to use their arms, aye and their legs, too, bitter than those afore you; but since you must know the thruth, Sir, the _min_ and the Captain of late have not been on _spaking terms_.’ WHO AND HOO.--A little girl lately brought a volume to a Glasgow librarian, with the following message:--‘John sent me wi’ this book, and he wants the next ane.’ ‘And who is John,’ questioned the man of books, to which the girl very readily answered, ‘he’s gettin better.’ A CERTIFICATE EASILY GOT.--As the late Mr G----, farmer at Duddingstone, once stood at his gate, an Irish lad came up to him and requested to be employed. Mr. G.--Go away, sir, I will never employ any of your country again. Irishman.--Why, your honour? sure we are good workers? God bless you, do give me a job.