An old beggar, pretending to be dumb, was thrown off his guard by the question, How many years have you been dumb; and answered, Five years last June, please your honour. A countryman sowing his ground, two smart fellows riding by, one of them called to him with an insolent air, Well honest fellow, ’tis your business to sow, but we reap the fruits of your labour. To which the country man replied, ’Tis very likely you may, for I am sowing hemp. One told another, who did not use to be very well clothed, that his new coat was too short for him: That’s true, answered he but it will be long enough before I get another. A proud parson and his man, riding over a common, saw a shepherd tending his flock, in a new coat. The parson asked, in a haughty tone, who gave him that coat? The same people, (said the shepherd) that clothe you--the parish. The parson nettled a little, rode on murmuring a considerable way, and sent his man back to ask the shepherd, if he would come and live with him, for he wanted a fool. The man went to the shepherd accordingly, and delivered his master’s message, concluding that his master really wanted a fool. Are you going away then? said the shepherd. No, answered the other. Then you may tell your master, replied the shepherd, that his living won’t maintain THREE of us. An arch prisoner, who had an unfavourable countenance, being brought to the bar to be tried for horse-stealing, the judge immediately cried, Oh, here is a noted villain, I am sure! Why, Sir I can see the rogue in your face. Ah, my Lord, says the fellow, I wonder at that: I did not know my face was a looking-glass till now. Mr Hare, formerly the envoy of Holland, had apartments in the same house with Mr Fox, and, like his friend Charles, had frequent dealings with the monied Israelites. One morning, as he was looking out of his window, he observed several of the tribe assembled at the door for admittance. Pray, gentlemen, says he, are you Fox hunting, or Hare hunting this morning? An Irish officer had the misfortune to be dreadfully wounded at Waterloo. As he lay on the ground, an unfortunate soldier, who was near him, and was also severely wounded, made a terrible howling, when the officer exclaimed, D--n your eyes, what do you make such a noise for? Do you think there is nobody killed but yourself? When Mr. Horne Tooke was called before the commissioners to give an account of the particulars of his income; having answered a question which was asked, one of the wise men said, peevishly, that he did not understand his answer--Then, said Tooke, as you have not half the understanding of another man, you ought at least to have double the patience.