By your Honour’s command, A culprit I stand-- An example to all the ship’s crew; I am pinion’d and stript, And condemn’d to be whipt; And, if I am flogg’d ’tis my due A cat, I am told, In abhorrence you hold; Your Honour’s aversion is mine! If a cat with one tail Makes your stout heart to fail, O, save me from one that has NINE! Two boys, belonging to the chaplains of two different men of war, entertaining each other with an account of their respective manners of living--How often, Jack, says the one, do you go to prayers? Why, answered Jack, we pray when we are afraid of a storm, or going to fight! Aye, quoth the other, there is some sense in that; but my master makes us go to prayers when there is no more occasion for it than for my jumping overboard. A man having been capitally convicted at the Old Bailey, was, as usual, asked what he had to say why judgement of death should not pass against him? Say! replied he, why I think the joke has been carried far enough already, and the less that is said about it the better--If you please, Sir, we’ll drop the subject. Advertisement from a London Paper--Wanted for a wine-merchant’s house in the city, as a porter, an athletic man, of a serious countenance, a character, and of the Protestant religion; must attend prayers twice a day, and divine worship four times on Sunday; be able to bear confinement, have the fear of God before his eyes, and be master for two hundred weight. Wages fourteen shillings a week, and find himself. A man seeing in the street an old woman who drove some asses, said, Adieu, mother of asses. Adieu, adieu, my son, answered she. A Quaker was examined before the Board of Excise, respecting certain duties; the Commissioners thinking themselves disrespectfully treated by his thee- and thouing, one of them with a stern countenance, asked him--Pray, Sir, do you know for what we sit here? Yea, replied Nathan, I do--some of you for a thousand, and others for seventeen hundred and fifty pounds a year. Comparisons of Drunkenness.--A man is said to be as drunk as an owl, when he cannot see--as drunk as a sow, when he wallows in the dirt--as drunk as a beggar, when he is very impudent--as drunk as the devil, when he is inclined to mischief, and--as drunk as a Lord, when he is every thing that is bad. Walking Stewart having given an account of his being cast away on an unknown coast, thus expresses himself: ‘After walking a considerable way up the country, we saw, to our inexpressible satisfaction, a man hanging on a gibbet. This delight affored us by this cheering sight is inconceivable, for it convinced us that we were in a civilized country.’