father’s recollection--the boy returned in breathless haste to repeat the requisition, which he did in a clearer, louder, and more anxious tone than ever--true, withal, to the late hint on etiquette--Fayther! If ye dinna come quick, the Gentleman’ll be quite cauld! A GOOD WIFE Should be like three things; which three things she should not be like. FIRST.--She should be like a snail, always keep within her house:--but she should not be like a snail, to carry all she has upon her back. SECONDLY.--She should be like an echo, speak when she is spoken to:--but she should not be like an echo, always to have the last word. THIRDLY.--She should be like a town-clock, always keep time and regularity:--but she should not be like a town-clock, to speak so loud that all the town may hear her. A WEATHER-MASTER. An Irish pastor, when applied to by one of his flock for a shower of rain, said he should be happy to oblige him, but he had several previous applications for dry weather; and as it would be impossible for him to disoblige any of his congregation, he was under the necessity of declining to interfere. EPITAPH ON GABRIEL JOHN. Here lies the body of Gabriel John Who died in the year 1001. Pray for the soul of Gabriel John; You may, if you please, Or let it alone; For it’s all one To Gabriel John, Who died in the year 1001. A POWERFUL PREACHER. “Ah, Sir!” exclaimed the elder in the tone of pathetic recollection,--“our late minister was the man! He was a poorfu’ preacher; for i’ the short time he delivered the word amang us, he knock’d three pupits to pieces, and dang the guts out o’ five Bibles.” EPITAPH. I, Sir John Trollop, Made these stones roll up; When God shall take my soul up, My body shall fill this hole up. ENTRIES OF THE NAMES OF CUSTOMERS. The following entries of the names of customers were found in the books of a grocer, in a neighbouring city, on his insolvency:--“Woman on the Key. Jew Woman. Coal Woman. Old Coal Woman. Fat Coal Woman. Market Woman. Pale Woman. A Man. Old Woman. Little Milk Girl. Candle Man. Stable Man. Coachman. Big Woman. Lame Woman. Quiet Woman. (!!!) Egg Man. Little Black Girl. Old Watchman. Shoemaker. Little Shoemaker. Short Shoemaker. Old Shoemaker. Little Girl. Jew Man. Mrs in the Cart. Old Irishwoman. Woman in Corn-street. A Lad. Man in the Country. Long Sal. Woman with Long Sal. Mrs Irishwoman. Mrs Featherbonnet. Blue Bonnet. Green bonnet. Green Coat. Blue Breeches. Big Breeches. The Woman that was married. The Woman that told me of the man.” THE MINISTER AND HIS THREE SONS.