His mother-in-law, with several auld witty wives, held a private council on John’s conduct, and bad luck, and concluded he was bewitched. John was of the same opinion, and went to the Minister, and told him he was the cause of a’ his misfortunes, ca’d him a warlock to his face, and said, he had put such a black bargain into his hand, that he was ruined for ever; insisted either to unmarry them again, or send death and the bellman to take her awa, for she has a lump of mischief on her back and anither on her breast, and the rest of her body is a clean de’il. The Minister began to exhort him to peace and patience, telling him that marriages were made in heaven: “ye’re a baist liar,” says John, “for I was married in your ain kitchen, and a’ the blackguards in the town were there, an it had a been a heaven they wadna win in, yet tell me that matrimony was sic a happy state, but had ye gotten as mony weel pay’d skins as I hae gotten, ye wad a kend what it was; ill chance on you, sir;” and out he goes cursing like a madman, throwing stanes and breaking the Minister’s windows for which he was caught and put twa hours in the stocks, and at last his lump of corruption came and rubbed his lugs, drew his nose, got him out, and drove him home before her, took a resolution never to set him about any business in time coming, but keep him on his loom. MISFORTUNE X. Now she gave him no sleep all that night for scolding. John got up in the morning lang or day, and left his Tormenter in bed, fell asleep upon his loom wi’ the candle in his hand, and so set the web, heddles, reed, and treadle cords in a fire. By chance his old Viper looked out of the bed, or the whole house had been gone. Up she gets, and with her cries alarmed the neighbourhood who came to her relief; but poor John underwent a dreadful swabbing for this. MISFORTUNE XI. After the former hurry and beating being over, his work being stopt, he went to bed and slept a’ that day, and following night. On the next day, having nothing to do, she sent him in search of a hen’s nest, which had ta’en some by-place to lay her eggs in: so as poor John was in an auld kill searching a’ about the walls, the kill-ribs broke, and down he goes with a vengeance into the logie, cutted and bruised himself in a terrible manner; up he could not win, but had to creep out at the logie below, scarce able to get hame, his face and nose all running of blood. In this condition she pitied and lamented for him very much, tied his sores and laid him in bed; then sat down very kindly, saying, “My dear, and my lamb, do you think there is ony of your banes broken; and what part of you is sairest? And what will I get to do good?” “Oh!” said he, “Girzy, I’m a’ brizzled atween the feet.” “Are ye indeed?” quoth she, “then I wish ye had broken your neck, that I might a gotten anither, useless ae way, and useless mae ways, upo’ my word, ye’s no be here, gang whare ye like.” MISFORTUNE XII.