Here was a man capable of recollecting with precision every incident
that had befallen him since his rescue, exhibiting shrewdness in
conversation, and accuracy in matters of current fact. His intellect
was as healthy as that of the healthiest-headed man who conversed with
him, but up to the period of his rescue everything was in darkness. The
conjectures which were offered him--so close to the mark some of them,
that they brushed the very skirts of real facts, and told the truth by
implication--conveyed no ideas. His eternal rejoinder was no more than
a shake of the head. Had he been a sailor? Did he remember the port
from which he sailed? the rig or name of the vessel? his native town?
Such questions, and hundreds of them, were asked, but though he grasped
familiar names with almost passionate eagerness, they established no
faintest clue as to his real past. And then inquiries becoming at last
no better than fruitless importunities, were dropped, and Holdsworth
was considered incurable.
Yet this could hardly have been thought, had those who gave in this
opinion been conscious of the under-current of secret, but not the
less powerful, yearnings, absolutely objectless, scarce owning definite
forms, which yet the restless instincts of the man urged with greedy
emphasis. These movements were, indeed, purely spiritual--the action of
the soul groping in her cell and searching for that window of the mind
which had been blackened, and through which no light could break. Of
the mental torments this intellectual blindness occasioned, no words
that I possess can describe the anguish. Month after month went by and
still found him searching heart-brokenly in the gloom for some image,
some substance, some sign, that should appease the piteous cravings of
his instincts, _which knew all, but could not speak_.
Whatever feminine tact could suggest to give light to his mind, Mr.
Sherman’s sister did. She made out a long list of names beginning with
H, trusting that one among them might be his, and that the sight of it
would recall many things or all.
But, long and patiently compiled as the list was, many names there must
be which she would omit; and amongst them his own. Then she made out a
list of the names of the ships; but here was an endless job, prosecuted
for a long while with benevolent industry, and then abandoned in
despair. She read the European papers carefully, hoping to find some
account of the loss of the vessel in which, it was surmised, Holdsworth
had been a passenger; but no such account ever rewarded her search.
Numerous were the other remedies she resorted to, but none of them
produced any result.
A few months of such unavailing work would soon extinguish hope. Both
she and her brother desisted at last from their merciful endeavours in
the full and final conviction that nothing but the hand of God could
ever draw aside the black curtain that hung over Holdsworth’s past.
But not to dwell at needless length upon this part of the story:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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