Nelly stood for a moment transfixed by the spectacle of this
gorgeously-dressed creature, resplendent in blue gauze, bronzed
boots, gilt sash, and flowing red feather. Then--so permanent is
human affection--she threw down her old doll and ran forward, with
outstretched arms, to welcome and hug the stranger.
But the sum of her amazement was not yet made out. Once more Holdsworth
dived into the mysterious cupboard and produced the horse and cart,
which, he told Nelly, was the chariot that had brought the young lady
to his house, and without which she never condescended to take the
air, being much too fine a lady to walk. The box of bricks followed;
and presently Nelly was on the floor, taking up the three toys one
after the other in quick succession, her avariciousness of enjoyment
perplexed by the number of the objects that ministered to it.
Holdsworth knelt by her side and watched her face.
A man need not be a father to find something elevating and purifying
in the contemplation of a child’s countenance, varied by tiny innocent
emotions, reflecting the little play of her small passions, as her eyes
reflect the objects that surround her. But that subtle and sacred bond,
which unites a child’s life to a parent’s heart, creates an impulse to
such contemplation which makes the pleasure sweeter than any other kind
of pleasure, by the infusion of an exquisite pathos, mingled with the
only kind of pride to which vanity seems to contribute nothing.
The natural bitterness which Holdsworth felt in thinking that his
little girl did not know him, that misfortune had thrust his love
out of the sphere of her own and his wife’s life, was converted into
tender melancholy by the emotions Nelly’s presence excited, and left
his pleasure unalloyed by pain. Here was a little being who was his
at least; his by a right no sin, no folly, no error could challenge;
indisputably his, to survive, if God permitted, into his future, when
the time should come for him to call himself aloud by the name of
Father, and ask her love as some recompense for that present sacrifice
of his which was enforced by grand obedience to the high laws of
morality.
How hard it was to be thus true to himself, thus true to his wife,
thus true to the little one who must needs share some portion of that
obligation of shame which would befall them all, were he to confess
himself--Judge! for you see him kneeling by his child’s side; you may
behold his love in his eyes; you may know that no upturned luminous
glance of hers but thrills along the chords of his passion, and makes
his heart gush forth its overfull tenderness, even until his sight
grows humid, and he turns his thoughts in a piteous aside to God for
courage and will, so to sustain this strange, pathetic happiness, that
no sorrow shall follow it.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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