Never before was his impulse to tell Dolly who he was and snatch her
from the misery, the unmeet sorrow that encompassed her, so powerful.
Love and pity strove with the dread of dishonouring her by the
revelation. Could he endure to think that this delicate, gentle girl
was linked to a man who neglected her, who might even ill-treat her,
who at that moment might be squandering the money that had been given
him on his own gross appetites, without thought of the wife and child
wanting bread at home? What must be the issue of such a life if it were
permitted to endure? Sooner or later Holdsworth must avow himself to
save her and his child from that uttermost degree of ruin and misery to
which Conway was dragging them.
He had hoped to devote his life to them. His dream had been that
Conway’s character was not irretrievably bad, that kindly entreaty,
cordial advice, and pecuniary help might bring him to a knowledge of
his folly and set him once more on the high-road to respectability.
Such a redemption would have been Holdsworth’s sacrifice; but his own
happiness was as nothing in his eyes compared to Dolly’s. Faithfully
would he have performed his duty to her, nobly would he have vindicated
his own most honourable, most exalted devotion, could he have reclaimed
this erring man and taught him to give his wife as much happiness as
it was possible for a heart that ceaselessly mourned a dead love, to
know. Thus he could have been his Dolly’s good angel, and whilst God
permitted him, have kept watch over her and her child, dead to her
belief, but active as the holiest love could make life in his helpful
secret guardianship.
He perceived the vanity of that hope now, and yet despairingly clung
to it, because, if he surrendered it, he felt that he must confess
himself, and from this he shrank as from a deed that would inflict a
deeper degradation upon her, while Conway lived, than any she could
suffer from her husband’s behaviour.
One must either entirely sympathise with his profound susceptibility
of the obligation his supposed death had forced upon him to fulfil, or
ridicule him as a man absurdly fantastical in his views of morality.
There seems no middle standpoint to judge him from.
But unless there be too much austerity in his virtue to make it
admirable, then, to properly appreciate it, we must remember the
extraordinary tenderness of his nature, his exquisite sensibility,
which shrank from the mere thought of tarnishing the pure honour of the
woman he loved.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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