_M.P._ "DID YOU SEE THIS ADMIRABLE SUGGESTION IN THE PAPER, TO PULL DOWN THE TEMPLE BAR?" _Swell._ "PULL DOWN THE TEMPLE BAR! A MOST EARNESTLY HOPE NOT--WHY, GOOD GWACIOUS! IT'S THE PWINCIPAL BARWIER BETWEEN US AND THE HORWID CITY!"] [Illustration: _JEALOUSY._ _Chorus (of Nice Young Ladies)._ "OH! OF ALL AND OF ALL I NEVER! ISN'T IT THE DARLINGIST, SWEETEST, PRETTIEST, LITTLE DEAR DARLING DARLING! OH! DID YOU EVER!!" _Solo (by horrid plain-spoken Boy)._ "H'M! I THINK IT'S A NASTY, UGLY LITTLE BEAST, FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A CAT OR A MONKEY." [_Sensation._] [Illustration: _A NICE TEAM._] [Illustration: _A BRILLIANT IDEA._ _Matilda._ "OH, LOOK YE HERE, TOMMY! S'POSE WE PLAY AT YOUR BEING THE BIG FOOTMAN, AND ME AND LIZZERBUTH'LL BE THE FINE LADIES IN THE CARRIDGE!"] [Illustration: _AN EXPERIENCED VETERAN._ _Managing Mamma._ "MY GOODNESS, ELLEN, HOW WRETCHEDLY PALE YOU LOOK! FOR GOODNESS' SAKE BITE YOUR LIPS AND RUB YOUR CHEEKS."] [Illustration: _EXTREME DELICACY._ _Exquisite in Cab._ "AW--BE KIND ENOUGH, IF YOU PLEASE, TO FETCH--AW--AN--AW--UMBRELLAW, AND HOLD IT OV-AW ME WHILE I--AW--GET OUT."] [Illustration: _THE WELLINGTON STATUE._ AWFUL APPARITION TO A GENTLEMAN WHILST SHAVING, IN THE EDGEWARE ROAD.] [Illustration: _THE POULTRY MANIA._ _Miss ----._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, EMILY. WHAT HORRID FRIGHTS!" _Emily._ "FRIGHTS? MY DEAR? WHY THEY ARE LOVELY COCHIN CHINA FOWLS, AND WORTH--OH! EVER SO MUCH."] [Illustration: _COMPLIMENTARY._ _Bus Driver._ "NOW THEN, OUT OF THE WAY, YOU TWO!"] [Illustration: _AN INQUIRING MIND._ _Omnibus Driver._ "REELY NOW! AND SO THE 'LECTRIC FLUID TAKES A MESSAGE BETWEEN DOVER AND CALAIS. (_Inquiringly._) PRAY, SIR, WOT'S IT LIKE? IS IT ANYTHING LIKE BEER, FOR EXAMPLE?"] [Illustration: _SOMETIMES YOU "PICK UP" HUNTERS FOR NEXT TO NOTHING._ _Dealer._ "THERE NOW! YOU WANT A HUNTER. THERE HE IS. HE'S QUIET, WELL-BRED, AND LAW! WITH YOUR WEIGHT, HE'S UP TO ANY HOUNDS, AND AN _UNCOMMON_ CLEVER FENCER!" _Sporting Gent._ "OH! COME NOW! THAT _WON'T_ DO. I'VE HEARD OF A 'ORSE DANCING; BUT I'M NOT SO JOLLY GREEN AS TO BELIEVE A 'ORSE CAN FENCE, YOU KNOW!"] [Illustration: _A LUCID EXPLANATION._ _Passenger._ "SIXPENCE! WHY, IT'S MARKED UP THREEPENCE!" _Conductor._ "YES, SIR. THREPPUNSE WHEN YOU DON'T GET IN BETWEEN CHARING CROSS AND THE BANK, OR FROM TUESDAYS TO MILE END DOWN TO THE GATE BY UNGERFOD, OR EDGER ROAD TO BLACK LION LANE OR RATHBONE PLACE AND BLACKWALL RAILWAY--OR ELSE YOU MUST GET OUT AT ST. PAUL'S CHURCHYARD, OR YOU CAN GO TO PIMLICO ALL THE WAY IF YOU LIKE--BEYOND THAT DISTANCE--IT'S SIXPUNSE!"] [Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY, OR THINKINGS ALOUD._--No. IV. _Genius._ "BY THE WAY, DID YOU GLANCE OVER THAT ARTICLE OF MINE ON 'THE INTELLECT OF WOMAN, AND HER SOCIAL POSITION?' I DON'T CARE TWOPENCE ABOUT YOUR OPINION; ONLY IF YOU CAN SAY SOMETHING FAVOURABLE OF COURSE I SHALL BE PLEASED."