_Common Sense._ "WHY, I TRIED IT, BUT UPON MY LIFE I FOUND IT SUCH CONTEMPTIBLE RUBBISH, THAT I COULDN'T GET ON: AND, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I THINK THAT A SNUG LITTLE THING IN THE CHEESEMONGERING LINE WOULD BE MORE IN YOUR WAY THAN LITERATURE." _Genius._ "AH! YOU MUST BE A FOOL!"] [Illustration: _THE AGONY COLUMN._ "I WISH, MISTER, YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO STOP THE PRESS AND PUT THIS IN A GOOD PLACE (_reads_): '_Hemily, Don't delay, but return to yer broken-arted Adolphus, or there's no knowing what may be the consequence!!!_'"] [Illustration: _THE INFLUENZA._ "THIS IS REALLY VERY KIND OF YOU TO CALL. CAN I OFFER YOU ANYTHING--A BASIN OF GRUEL, OR A GLASS OF COUGH MIXTURE? DON'T SAY NO."] [Illustration: _AN IMPOSSIBILITY._ _Gent._ "WAITER! CHOP AND A PINT OF STOUT; AND LOOK SHARP." _Waiter._ "OH, YES! IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY LOOK SHARP."] [Illustration: _BACHELOR HOUSEKEEPING._ _Mr. Brown._ "PRAY, JANE, WHAT ON EARTH IS THE REASON I AM KEPT WAITING FOR MY BREAKFAST IN THIS WAY?" _Jane._ "PLEASE, SIR, THE ROLLS ISN'T COME, AND THERE'S NO BREAD IN THE HOUSE!" _Mr. Brown._ "NOW, UPON MY WORD! HOW CAN YOU ANNOY ME WITH SUCH TRIFLES? NO _BREAD_, THEN BRING ME SOME _TOAST_." [_Exit_ JANE _in dismay._] [Illustration: _A FOOLISH AND A BETTING MAN._] [Illustration: _A WISER AND A BETTER MAN._] [Illustration: _MISUNDERSTANDING._ _Railway Porter._ "FIRST CLASS, SIR?" _Unfortunate Oxonian._ "NO! PLUCKED!"] [Illustration: _PLEASANT!_ _Affectionate Little Wife (who has made many abortive attempts to fathom the secrets of Freemasonry)._ "WELL, BUT DEAR! TELL ME _ONE_ THING, DO THEY PUT YOU INTO A COFFIN?"] [Illustration: _INSULTING A SCOTCHMAN._ _Boy._ "HERE YOU AIR, SIR! THREE PAIR O' TROWSER STRAPS FOR SIXPENCE."] [Illustration: _THE MAN IN BRASS LAMENTING THE DECLINE OF THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW._] [Illustration: "_BOLTED!_"] [Illustration: _THE BETTING FEVER._] [Illustration: _ONE OF THE EFFECTS OF THE BLACKGUARD BETTING OFFICES._ _Sporting Character._ "I DON'T EXACTLY LIKE ROBBING MASTER, BUT I MUST MEET MY ENGAGEMENTS."] [Illustration: _PEPPERING A GENT._ _Conductor (very loud)._ "GO ON, BILL; HERE'S THAT UGLY OLD COVE, WOT ALWAYS KICKS UP SUCH A ROW, AND MAKES HISSELF SO DISAGREEABLE, JUST GOT IN!" _Driver._ "OH, HAS HE? I'VE A DOOCED GOOD MIND TO PITCH HIM OVER, AND BREAK HIS STUPID OLD 'ED!!"] [Illustration: _GAMMON._ _Ostler._ "PLEASE TO TAKE 'IM GENTLY OVER THE WOOD-PAVEMENT, SIR; FOR HE'S WERRY FRESH THIS MORNING."] [Illustration: _BALLOONING._] [Illustration: _EVIL COMMUNICATIONS._ (AFTER A GREAT DEAL OF COAXING AND PERSUASION, MASTER TOM IS PREVAILED UPON TO PAY HIS QUARTERLY VISIT TO THE DENTIST. INCONSIDERATE AND VULGAR STREET BOYS UNFORTUNATELY PASS AT THE MOMENT HIS OBJECTIONS ARE OVERCOME). _First Inconsiderate Street Boy._ "OH CRIKEY! IF HERE AIN'T A CHAP GOIN' TO HAVE A GRINDER OUT. MY EYE, WHAT FANGS!"