John Smith's Funny Adventures on a Crutch: Or The Remarkable Peregrinations of a One-legged Soldier after the WarHill, A. F. (Ashbel Fairchild)
History
John Smith's Funny Adventures on a Crutch: Or The Remarkable Peregrinations of a One-legged Soldier after the War
Hill, A. F. (Ashbel Fairchild)
Disabled veterans -- United States -- Fiction; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Veterans -- Fiction
“As I walked up street, I was a little surprised to meet a house on its
way down to the post-office.[4] It was traveling slowly, to be sure; but
it looked smiling and happy, and even intelligent. I am informed that
when a man gets dissatisfied with the location of his dwelling, he just
ties a rope round the door-knob and leads it away, up or down street, to
some more agreeable vicinity, like a man leading a horse to water with a
halter. I have since met quite a number walking about. They seem quite
tractable and docile, and will follow where led, just like a
good-natured elephant.
Footnote 4:
This is an allusion to the moving of buildings, which is carried on to
a considerable extent in San Francisco. It is no unusual thing there,
to move a frame building as much as a mile when the owner finds it
profitable to sell the ground it stands on.
“I like this system very much. I cannot help thinking how convenient it
would be if I had a house up in that neighborhood where the “John”
element prevails. I should just put a halter on and lead it away a mile
or two to-morrow morning before breakfast.
“I like several things about San Francisco. I like its ‘fractional
currency’ for one thing. The material it is printed on is better
calculated for standing all sorts of weather, and the wear and tear of
time, than that in the States. Moreover, it is not near so likely to be
repudiated, and enjoys a better foreign reputation.
“I like the ladies here; they have but one fault. That fault is similar
to that of the very small congregation that turned out one Sunday
morning at the church I used to attend. There were not more than
nineteen of us, and the parson scolded us for an hour because we didn’t
turn out better. It wasn’t our fault that the rest didn’t come. I’m sure
I was all there. So, I suppose it is hardly just to censure the ladies
here because there are not more of them; it isn’t their fault.
“I am also pleased with the elevated points around;[5] they give a man a
chance to rise in the world, without principle, capital or reputation.
Besides, one of them would be such a fine start for a monument. One
might be topped out on Telegraph Hill, for instance, with very little
expense; and in a graphic description of it, it might be stated that the
top was five hundred and twenty-three feet above tide-water. No allusion
need be made to the bottom.
Footnote 5:
I have already intimated that there were a few rough hills in this
vicinity. There are streets in San Francisco which it is difficult to
ascend without ladders.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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