John Smith's Funny Adventures on a Crutch: Or The Remarkable Peregrinations of a One-legged Soldier after the WarHill, A. F. (Ashbel Fairchild)
History
John Smith's Funny Adventures on a Crutch: Or The Remarkable Peregrinations of a One-legged Soldier after the War
Hill, A. F. (Ashbel Fairchild)
Disabled veterans -- United States -- Fiction; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Veterans -- Fiction
I pumped the bucket full in three seconds and a fraction, picked it up
and held it to the mouth of the “noble steed.” He drank it, seemed
satisfied, and looked volumes of thanks at me with his big eyes.
Considering my mission at an end, I set the bucket down, and stood by
the pump in a position favorable to touching my cap gracefully to the
ladies as they should thank me and drive off, which I supposed they
would now do. But here comes the mortifying part. One of the ladies held
out her hand. Was she going to shake hands with me and bid me an
affectionate farewell? No. My brain reeled, as I looked closer at the
hand.
“Here, please take it,” said she.
Take——not the hand, but a ten-cent note which she held out and desired
me to “take” in return for my distinguished services. I felt the hot
blood rush to my cheeks, but mastering my emotion, I said:
“O, no, miss, I thank you, indeed. I am not the porter here now. I used
to be, but my Uncle Charles Exeter Johnson Smith died two days before
last Christmas a year ago, and left me a large fortune; since which
time, I have only been a boarder here. I thank you. Good evening.” And I
turned and walked away, while they drove slowly toward the city.
I can only impute the young lady’s conduct to the grossest ignorance. I
was not miserably clad, or any thing of that sort, and her reason for
offering me the little contribution could only have been that I had lost
a leg, and she no doubt thought it naturally followed that I was
“needy.” A great mistake. The wealthiest man in the world would have
lost his leg had he been standing where I was when I was shot.
Having spent a week at Cleveland, I departed for the smoky city of
Pittsburg; where I arrived one evening at five o’clock. Before returning
to Philadelphia, I desired to visit the celebrated “White Rocks,” near
Uniontown, about seventy miles south of Pittsburg; and as no train was
to leave for Uniontown till next morning, I was obliged to remain in
Pittsburg all night—a thing I never do if I can help it, because I never
spent a comfortable night in the smoky old place: nor do I believe any
other civilized person ever did.
Before the train reached Pittsburg, I had given orders to a
baggage-expressman to send my trunk to the St. Charles hotel, which had
once been a first-class house, but which, without my knowledge, had of
late degenerated to some extent. At the depot I got into a “bus” and
rode to the St. Charles; when I saw at a glance that it had changed
proprietors and was not conducted as of yore. It was in the hands of two
or three brothers who were lineal descendants of the patriarch Abraham.
One of them was acting as clerk. He was blustering about the office,
like a rat that had got into a hot brick-kiln and couldn’t find its way
out, giving orders to the porter, talking to several guests at once, and
getting very little accomplished.
“Can I get a single room, to-night?” I asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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