"'Oo are yer slingin' off at?" she cried. "You and yer new pertater.
I'd smack yer face for two pins," and she walked out of the shop.
This made Mrs Partridge careful, and she served the next customers in
an amazing silence. Then she dined royally on the pick of the
ham-and-beef shop, and settled down for the afternoon. But she
recovered her tongue when Mrs Paterson wanted some lettuce for a salad.
"Which I could never understand people eatin' salads, as I shall always
consider bad for the stomach, an' descendin' to the lower animals," she
cried. "Nothing could make me believe I was meant to eat vegetables
raw when I can 'ave them boiled an' strained for 'alf an 'our."
In her eagerness to convert Mrs Paterson to her views, she forgot to
charge for the lettuce. When Chook and Pinkey arrived, she had
partially destroyed the business, and was regretting that she had been
too delicate to marry the greengrocer. She showed Chook the till
bulging with copper and silver.
"Yer've done us proud," cried Chook, staring.
Mrs Partridge sorted out ten shillings from the heap.
"That's Mrs Robins's account," she remarked.
"Wot made 'er pay?" inquired Pinkey, suspiciously. "Yer didn't go an'
ask 'er for it, did yer?"
"Not likely," said Mrs Partridge; "but when she complained of the peas
bein' eighteenpence a peck, I pointed out that if she considered
nothing too dear for 'er back, she should consider nothing too dear for
'er stomach, an' she ran 'ome to fetch this money an' nearly threw it
in my face."
"Me best customer," cried Pinkey in dismay. "She pays at the end of
the month like clockwork."
Mrs Partridge stared at the heap of silver, and changed the subject.
"It 'ud give me the creeps to sleep in the 'ouse with all that money,"
she remarked, "after readin' in the paper as 'ow burglars are
passionate fond of silver, an' 'avin' no reg'lar 'ours for callin',
like to drop in when least expected." She noted with satisfaction that
Pinkey changed colour, and shook the creases out of her skirt. "Well,
I must be goin'," she added. "I never like to keep William waitin' for
'is tea."
A cold wave swept over Chook. He had clean forgotten William, who
would go home to Botany Street and find an empty house. Pinkey dived
into the bedroom, and left Chook to face it out.
"'Ere's yer key," he said helplessly, to make a beginning.
"This is my key," said Mrs Partridge, feeling in her pocket, "an' the
other one is under the flower-pot for William, if I'm out. I dunno
what you mean."
"I mean this is the key of yer new 'ouse in Surry Hills," said Chook,
fumbling hopelessly with the piece of iron.
"You've bin drinkin', an' the beer's gone to yer 'ead," said Mrs
Partridge, unwilling to take offence.
"I tell yer I'm as dry as a bone," cried Chook, losing patience.
"Yer think yer live in Botany Street, but yer don't. Yer live in
Foveaux Street, an' this is the key of the 'ouse."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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