What a man kant win in this world bi politeness aint worth having. Politeness iz just as natrul az fun iz, and iz the cheapest way to git a living i kno ov. It haz made more friends than enny thing else ever haz, and haz kept them longer. It dont kost enny more to be polite than it duz to be happy, and enny man iz a phool who kant be either, if he iz a mind to. I hav known it to sukceed whare every thing else had failed, and i never knu it to fail, whare it undertook to sukceed. It iz az eazy to apply az the "poor mans plaster," and it will allwus stik whare it iz stuk. Next to honesty, politeness iz queen bee in the hive, and the man who iz thoroly honest and thoroly polite, haz nothing to fear, or hope for. Politeness, without honesty, iz a good deal risky, but sumtimes the wust we kan call it iz, "a pleazant fraud." _2 FAKTS._ The best abuzed woman ov the 19th century iz the average mother in law. * * * * * One ov the most perfekt viktorys yu kan achieve over enny man, iz to beat him in politeness. 31 Days. JULY. 1875. Q.--Who's yure favourite proze author? @ @ & A.--Noah Webster. @ @ @ [Illustration] _He takes them away to the stashun, Whare both are krestfallen and meek, And after a lektur on fiteing, The kids are discharged by the_ "beak." +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Billings Log._ | _TUBE ROSES._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| T || Expekt grate @ @ | | | 2| F || @ @ hotness | He who expekts to be praized | | 3| S || @ now snaix @ | every time he duz a virtewous | | 4| G || @ are @ slippery @ | thing will soon git tired ov the | | 5| M || thunder & @ | bizzness. | | 6| T || @ @ mixt with | | | 7| W || @ @ litening & @ | | | 8| T || Hank Ketchum @ | * * * * * | | 9| F || @ @ @ born 1802 | | |10| S || @ @ @ hotter @ @ | | |11| G || Hank Ketchum @ | When people loze their property | |12| M || waz single @ & | they generally loze everything | |13| T || | else, in the estimashun ov | |14| W || @ @ more hotly | the world, except their faults and | |15| T || Hank @ @ @ | vices. | |16| F || @ @ Ketchum | | |17| S || @ parted hiz @ | | |18| G || hare in the @ @ | * * * * * | |19| M || @ & middle | |