A.--I dont kno, but it allwuss takes 2 yards and a haff more than yu buy the fust time. Q.--What do mankind gennerally take the most pride in? A.--In sumthing their nabors haint got, nor kant git. Q.--What two persons in the whole congregashun, need the clusset watching? A.--A praying pollytisian, and an offishus deakon. Q.--How iz the best way to git rid ov kokroaches? A.--Sell out yure house, and lot, and jine the gipseys. Q.--What cums the nearest to makeing a woman sware? A.--To hav her clothes line brake when it iz full ov a Monday's washing. Q.--Which iz the two most thankless jobs in this world? A.--To keep skool, and be an undertaker. Q.--How do yu define experience? A.--Experience iz the science ov finding out how deep a mill pond iz, by wading into it, and drowning. _DOUBLETS._ I kant help but respekt the heathen, they hav made az good a showing on their kapital, az the christians hav. * * * * * Next to the mother in law, cums the Grandmother, to regulate the cook, the kat, and the baby. 30 Days. SEPTEMBER. 1879. [Illustration: LIBRA, THE SKALES. _For full particulars enquire ov E. & T. Fairbanks & Co._] +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _HOT STUFF._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| M || @ _Cool_ @ now @ | | | 2| T || _and_ @ pik @ @ | Yung man studdy politeness, | | 3| W || @ _kloudy_ @ geese @ | even if yu ask a man for hiz | | 4| T || Dave @ @ @ _rainy_ | tooth pik, after he haz got dun | | 5| F || @ Pettibone @ | using it, dont fale to thank him | | 6| S || _w-i-n-d_ m-a-r-r-i-d | politely for it. | | 7| G || @ @ _noth_ he @ @ | | | 8| M || _East_ @ @ @ marrid | * * * * * | | 9| T || _more_ @ for @ | | |10| W || @ _wetty_ @ luv | Lasting friendships kan only | |11| T || @ now @ _cooler_ @ | exist between equals, superiority | |12| F || chew @ @ @ _more_ | insists upon respekt, and inferior- | |13| S || @ apples @ _cooler_ @ | ity iz too often apt to excite | |14| G || ----Solaman---- | pitty. | |15| M || @ @ @ _slight_ @ | | |16| T || mutch @ _frost_ @ | * * * * * | |17| W || | | |18| T || @ @ wives @ _now_ | If yu want to find out a man's | |19| F || -- _windy_ @ the -- | tru karakter examin him at home | |20| S || _warmy_ @ litening | bi the fire side, here he iz the | |21| G || @ _cool_ @ bug @ | hero ov the ockashun, and iz |