* * * * * The yung female born during this month will show grate judgement in sorting her lovers, and will finally marry a real estate agent. She will hav a phew failings; but who cares? she wouldn't be interesting if she didn't. At 28 she will be a widow, and at stated intervals will be inklined tew gush a little. (_For the sake of variety we say, let her gush._) * * * * * _A GOOD FAMILY JOB._ (_To kure bed bugs._) Bile the bed bugs tew a gravy; then take equal parts ov sassyfrass rutes and mingle with the gravy; then find a hoel in the ground that aint occupied; then pour the gravy into the hoel; then fasten up the hoel with 2 pounds ov gunpowder; then tutch off the hoel with a 10 foot poel; then run like litening. If this don't kure the bed bugs, and the hoel too, they hav both got it the natral way, and kan't be healed. 29 Days. FEBRUARY. 1872. Q.--What iz the surest gait on the road? @ @ A.--A toll-gate. @ @ [Illustration] _Sim Blodget waz an awful brag, Alwus telling sumthing or nuther,---- "Square Brown and he kept 60 cows!" The square kept 59, and Sim the tuther._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Kalkulashuns._ | _THISSELS._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| T || @ _Kold, but sharp_ | Thare iz two kind ov men that | | 2| F || @ @ When this | i dont kare to meet when i am in | | 3| S || yu see, remember | a grate hurry: men that i owe, | | 4| G || me @ @ | and men that want to owe me. | | 5| M || _sighns ov kold_ @ | | | 6| T || now puntch | * * * * | | 8| T || _weather inkreases_ | Jokes are like butternuts. To | | 9| F || @ @ Dave Larkin | be good, they musn't be cracked | |10| S || born 1763 @ @ | flatways. | |11| G || | | |12| M || @ _wind north_ @ | * * * * * | |13| T || Dave Larkin | | |14| W || waz | | |15| T || a | It iz just az natral tew be born | |16| F || hoss jockey @ | poor az tew be born naked, and | |17| S || _snow, mixt with_ | it iz no more disgrace. | |18| G || _kold_ @ | | |19| M || Dave Larkin delt | * * * * * | |20| T || in | | |21| W || saw-hosses @ | Truth iz like the burr docks on | |22| T || _kold, but bitter_ @ | the end ov a cow's tail: the more |