The feminine creashuns ov this month will be grate admirers ov the sterner sex. They will fall in luv easy, but will make az phew blunders az enny other wimmin. They will be guided bi the impulses ov their naturs, which in most wimmen iz a safer card than their judgements. If I hadnt got one ov the best wifes that the world haz yet produced, I should be inclined to ask (humbly) for one ov the _August-as_. _TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONSARN._ (_Advertizement._) Adam Dipthong (chicken champion) invites a discerning world tew peruse hiz egg-dispensing poultry. His "_Hail Columbys_," crossed on his "_Star Spangled Banners_," iz a hen who, for purity ov step, swavity of plumage, and modesty ov deportment, kant be beat. His "_Last Roze ov Summer_," hiz "_Merry wives ov Windsor_," and hiz "_Love lies bleeding_," az a style ov poultry, haz no competitors in the whole horizon. His "_Kiss me Quicks_," chastised with a delikate sprinkling ov his "_Meet me bi moon lite alone_," as pullets, hav alwus stood the test; and az roosters, are alwus reddy "tew fite it out on this line" (or enny other) "if it takes all summer." 31 Days. AUGUST. 1872. Q.--Who waz the fust brewer? @ @ A.--Satan; he brewed mischief. @ @ @ [Illustration] _Come, farmers all, both grate and small. The fields with yello grain are wavy; Bring out yure boys, and laffing galls, And make the bukweat cry Peccavy._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Kalkulashuns._ | _EGG NOGG._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| T || @ @ _Hot_ @ @ | | | 2| F || @ Pete Whetstone | A man whom yu kan hire tew | | 3| S || born 956 @ @ | work on a farm for nothing, and | | 4| G || @ _hotter_ @ | board himself, will just about earn | | 5| M || @ Pete waz a bare- | hiz wages. | | 6| T || bak rider @ @ | | | 7| W || @ _thunder and_ | | | 8| T || _litening_ @ @ | * * * * * | | 9| F || @ Pete rode the | | |10| S || fust bear @ @ | | |11| G || @ _hot grows wuss_ | A learned phool iz one who | |12| M || @ @ now stab | haz read everything, and simply | |13| T || suckers @ @ @ @ @ | remembers what he haz read. | |14| W || @ _hot with rain_ @ | | |15| T || | | |16| F || @ kane kilt able @ | * * * * * | |17| S || _now expekt mutch_ | | |18| G || _warmth_ @ @ kane | |