She who cums tew see us this month will be az welkum az a dandylion in the buzzum of winter. She will be a dutiful dauter, a warm-harted sister, a tender mother, and a handsum wife--(Kind Heaven! send us az menny ov this sort az convenient.) _ADVICE TEW YUNG DOKTORS._ Hire an offiss on the main street of the village, and stay in the offiss. When yu do go out, alwus go on the jump. Dont never talk mutch on enny subjek, but alwus look kussid misterious. Seldum go tew church, but when yu do, alwus leave before the church duz. Charge everyboddy like thunder and litening. If yu pholler theze rules clussly, and don't suckceed, yu kan kum tew the konklushun that the doktrine bizzness ain't so good as it waz last year. 30 Days. NOVEMBER. 1872. Q.--Who waz the best-preserved woman that ever lived? @ @ A.--Lot's wife. @ @ @ [Illustration] _Jane Lovell waz a farmer's wife, A wife waz she wuth having, too; For when Jane Lovell rooled up her sleeves, Things round that hous begin tew flew._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Kalkulashuns._ | _TIT BITS._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| F || @ _Sour, but kold_ Ԃ | | | 2| S || @ remember Lot's | A dandy in love iz in just about | | 3| G || wife @ @ _raw_, | az bad a fix az a stik ov mollassis | | 4| M || _but sour_ Ԃ | kandy that haz begun tew melt. | | 5| T || @ Lot's wife waz | | | 6| W || the psalt ov the | * * * * * | | 7| T || earth @ | | | 8| F || @ _more sour_ @ | The meanest kind ov a loafer | | 9| S || @ all good wives are | iz he who iz willing tew be abuzed | |10| G || @ _more raw_ @ | by every one for the privilege ov | |11| M || Ԃ Adam Sturgis | abusing others. | |12| T || born 1853 @ _windy_ | | |13| W || @ Adam Sturgis | * * * * * | |14| T || waz a twin @ @ | | |15| F || @ _rain, mixt with_ | | |16| S || _snow_ @ @ now @ | Curiosity had twins; one waz | |17| G || psalt sheeps @ | _Invenshun_, the other waz _Stick- | |18| M || @ _wind bights_ Ԃ | Yure-Noze-Into-Things_. | |19| T || multiplika- 0000000 | | |20| W || shun table 00 | * * * * * | |21| T || diskovered ------- | | |22| F || 1215 @ @ 0000000 | | |23| S ||_more kold_ @ 0000000 | Deth iz an arrow shot into a |