Cancer iz a hard sheld krab, and haz 2 sets ov leggs, which are lokated on the starbord side ov their pussons. Cancer travels on hiz muscle, and thare aint no individual sighn in the zodiak ov hiz size kan whip him. I hav studdyed the krab clussly, and et him sloly, and I dont kno him yet. Crabs bight with their feet, and hang on like the rumatiz. Biled krab is good but a man must eat them bi the day, he would starve to deth eating them bi the job. Krabs are kaught bi tieing a knot onto the end ov a string, and dropping it down into the water whare the krab iz, and when yu haul in the string, perhaps yu hav krab, and perhaps yu hav knot. This iz the way a grate menny things in this world are not kaught. In the zodiak Cancer rules the brest. I should rather hav a blister plaster in mi buzzum than a krab or a cancer. * * * * * _WANTED BI A MIDDLE AGED MAN._ Enny one having a helthy goose, ov good moral karakter, will hear ov a purchaser by addressing _Solaman Wainscote, Pordunk P. O._ The goose must be broke tew eat grass. One that knoze how to lay 2 eggs a day prefered. If the goose should be a leetle tuff, no matter. What we want iz a smart goose, no kussid phool goose wanted. 31 Days. MARCH. 1873. Q.--Who iz the greatest hero ov modern times? @ A.--Josh Ward, heroed a mile in 4 minitts. @ @ [Illustration] _Once hiz hoss had been a nag, A trotting nag at that, But now he waz a pelter, And enny thing but phatt._