Sixteen ounces to the pound wrongs no man. I dont want enny better evidence that things are strikly on the square in the zodiak than the fakt, that they keep a pair ov skales up thare, and they are alwus level. Thare iz a grate deal ov native honesty in a pair of skales. When i begun life, i looked upon every boddy az honest az a pair ov skales, but the skales hav dropt oph from my eyes since, and i begin tew look upon things more az they am. I look upon every man now az strikly honest, who kan prove it. I want honesty weighed out to me just az i do mi sassage, 16 ounces tew the pound. Honesty that lacks an ounce in every pound aint worth a kuss. The ounce that iz lacking iz just what beats us. In the zodiak concern Libra holds the reins over the anitomikal hoss. _THINGS THAT KAN BE DID._ One ov the smartest things a man kan do, iz to drink peper sass. One ov the safest things a man kan do, iz to ride a saw hoss. One ov the surest things a man kan do, iz tew slip up on the ice. One ov the lazyest things a man kan do, iz tew eat soup with a fork. One ov the longest things a man kan do, iz to long for perfekt happiness. One ov the handyest things a man kan do, is to giv hiz note for 90 daze. 31 Days. OCTOBER. 1873. Q.--Whi iz a lie called a yarn? @ @ @ A.--Bekauze it iz dubble and twisted. @ @ @ [Illustration] _'Tis the fate ov kunning men, Ofttimes tew pla the fule, So with Joel when he swopt Horses for a balky mule._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Diagnosis._ | _HAISTI PUDDIN._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| W || Θ @ Whiskey | | | 2| T || invented 1612 | Thare aint nothing that iz a | | 3| F || @ _frosty_ @ @ | sure kure for lazyness, but i hav | | 4| S || whiskey iz | known a seckond wife tew hurry | | 5| G || very proud | it sum. | | 6| M || spirited @ @ @ | | | 7| T || @ _sharp frost_ @ | | | 8| W || @ @ @ now | * * * * * | | 9| T || shuv checkers Θ @ | | |10| F || @ _snow flurrys_ | It iz the suprizes ov life after | |11| S || @ Col Peapod | all that give it its zest,--even a | |12| G || born 1500 @ @ @ | rat makes things interesting bi | |13| M || Col Peapod | the natral suddenness with which | |14| T || waz a | he cums out, or goes into hiz | |15| W || Korporal @ @ Θ | hole. | |16| T || | | |17| F || @ @ _wind sharp_ | |