Whenever yu see an old goose setting on a post hole, and trieing tew hatch the hole out, yu kan cum tew the konklushun that she is strikly a one idee goose. * * * * * Whenever a forlorn kat gits under yure windo, in a hot nite, and begins tew holler, yu may kno that kat wants sumthing,--killing, probberbly. * * * * * Whenever yu see a dog stop suddintly, in the road, with a flee onto him, and begin tew flea round, and round, after himself, untill he falls down, and rools over, yu will say tew yureself, that dorg iz like the wicked, he fleas, when no man perseweth. _OIL OF KONSOLASHUN._ The "Josh Billings Allminax" iz one ov our tex books, at the Pordunk Feminine Institoot. _Mrs. Charity Skidmore, A.M._ * * * * * Medisin Book--Ugh!! _Spotted tail, Chief ov the Pawnees._ * * * * * Full ov thought, full ov pathos, full ov phun. _John Brace, L.L.D._ * * * * * It's a big thing, bi Jupiter. _Billy Murdok._ * * * * * How spontaneous! How pathetic! How preponderating! How!--How are yu Josh! _Doktor Blake._ * * * * * Oh yu pesky thing, Josh! yu are too killing. _Sally Ann Sprauge._ _ADAM BILLINGS._ HIZ MEMORANDUM. Adam Billings waz the fust ov the Billingses. He waz verry phatt. Little did he dream ov the glorious krop that waz a going tew spring up from hiz sowing. He waz born, az near as i kan figger, about the year 1200, more or less. Hiz temper iz represented az being az even az the figger 2. Hiz habits were az pure az the mountain dew; he never drinkt enny spiritous rum, nor root elevators. He went barefutt untill hiz 32d year, and ever afterwards luved the naked futt. He waz a good danser, and realized thoze blessed old shake downs, now gone and fled. He waz named after the original Adam, and iz sed, bi them who remember them both, tew resembel him mutch in the kast ov hiz face. He waz too fond ov the marvelous, he wouldn't tell a lie exackly, but he could cum az near tew it, az a swallo kan to a frog's noze, when they skim a mud puddle. Adam Billings iz now ded, i beleave, but if he aint, and this should meet hiz eye, he kant, i think, but admire the square manner in which his luvely relik haz handled his case. Adam Billings didn't leave much reputashun behind him, but what he did leave, is fair tew middling. We nee'r shall see him more. Probably not. Too true. Rather melankolly than otherwise. * * * * * _MORAL._ Thare iz naut so hard for grief tew handle, Az the man whoze ribs are phatt 's a kandle. Josh Billings, and the Yung Man.= Yung Man, dont kry for spilt milk, but pik up yure pail, and milking stool, and go for the next Cow.= Yures affekshionately, Josh Billings. Tite Boots