Duteronomy Billings waz a square man. He waz az square az the bloks on a checker-board. He waz just the same kind ov a man in the fall, az he waz in the spring ov the year; yu didn't hav tew winter him tew find out who he waz. He alwus did az he agreed, but waz dredful bakward about agreeing. Duteronomy waz immense in one thing, and that waz the length ov hiz noze. He had more noze ackordin, than enny man in history. One writer ov the eleventh sentury, sez hiz noze waz 8 inches in length, and another makes it a frackshun over 10 inches; i will split the difference, and call it 7. If Dute' waz alive now, i think he would sustain mi figgures. In writing theze details ov mi ansesstors, i am guided bi a luv tew do a square thing, and if i er, it will be all owing tew mi luk. I never waz right lucky since I had the meazles. They took place in the 14th year ov mi age, when i lived with mi unkle. I had them too thik. Duteronomy Billings waz named after old Duteronomy ov bible times, and az ansesstors run, he waz a very good kind ov a one tew hav. He died az he had lived, exackly square. In konklushun i will say lie still dear Dute', yu hav got a square thing. Thare iz force in the idee. I may add, grate force. Very. Indeed. _MORAL._ Sum men are oktagon, And sum three-sided are, 'Tis mortal tuff tew find one Who iz kompletely square. 30 Days. JUNE. 1874. Q.--Define the hen? @ @ @ A.--A lay member. @ @ [Illustration: KONDEMIT] _Tho kivvered o'er with sich abuse, He never fout agen it, The very wuss that Hez' would kuss, Waz the simple word KONDEMIT._