* * * * * "THE CRAB."--Natur is fond ov a joke. She must have felt full ov fun, when she made a soft shell crab. The strongest emotion the crab haz iz tew bite. They aint afrade tew bite a sawlog, or a black bear. They are born in the water, but they kan live out doors on the land as long az they kan find ennything tew bite. They hav several leggs, which are aul lokated on the starboard side ov their person. Crabs liv under cover, like the mud turtles, but they move evry fust ov May, into a new one. They are sed tew be good eating, but you wouldn't think so tew stand and look at them; it would bother a stranger tew tell where tew begin; it would be a good deal like trying tew make a sudden dinner out ov a kross kut saw. They are biled in a pot, about 3 bushels ov them, until they stop biting, and then they are done, and are et by throwing away the boddy, and sucking the pith out ov the limbs. It is a good deal like trieng tew get the meat out ov a grasshopper's leggs. It is considered a good day's work to git one dinner out of biled crabs; I think perhaps a person mite sustane life on them, but he would hav tew work nite and day to do it, and keep a smart man biling crabs aul the time. Crabs bite with their feet, and hang on like a country couzin. LXXIII. MONOGRAFFS. THE INQUISITIVE MAN. Thare iz no commerce which men and wimmin indulge in, that haz so much plezure in it, and at the same time iz subjeckt tew such peculiaritys and abuses, az askin questions. I hav seen people who could ask questions awl day long, and not looze enny flesh. Theze kind are like 2 inch augers--espeshilly ordained. They don't seem tew have enny difinite objeckt in view, and therefore seldum git satisfied, but if they ever do git satisfied, they are then awl reddy to begin agin. They are something like the festiff-muskeeter, they kan liv on nothing, if it iz necessary, but they don't like tew be idle, and the best way to drive them oph, iz tew let them settle, and git full. The inquisitive man don't seem tew be aktuated by maliss, or envy; he iz only dry, and asking questions iz the only thing that will wet hiz drouth. They most alwus live tew a good old age, and often die ritch and even virtuous, but never satisfied; yu might az well undertake tew blow up a shad net with wind, az tew fill a genuine quidnunker with nuze. * * * * * THE LAZY MAN. Self-preservashun iz the fust law ov natur, and laziness iz the sekund. Laziness iz a kind ov moral dispepshee, or a species of virtuous gout. It iz just az natral for a man tew be lazy, az it iz tew be born. I never knu a lazy man tew really want ennything, wanting things iz just what spiles a man for laziness. Awl kinds ov laber requires an insentive; thare aint but now and then a man who is anxious tew saw dri hickory wood twice in 2 awl day long jist for fun.