* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * She was completely overpowered with laudanum. Her head was declined upon a chair. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * She looked very lovely, with her beautiful head bowed, and her dark eyelashes lying on her wan cheeks. Her features were contracted with suffering. I sat watching her with much heartfelt sadness and interest. I was summoned away, however, to see some gentlemen who were in the drawing-room, whither I adjourned, and where I found Mr. ---- and Dr. ----. I was stupid and sleepy, and the gentlemen had the charity not to keep me up, or make me sing. _Monday, 24th, Christmas-eve._ After breakfast, put out clothes for to-night. When I came down, found ---- in the drawing-room with my father: paid him his bill, and pottered an immensity. Went to rehearsal,--afterwards paid all manner of cards with poor dear D----, who puffed and panted through the streets in order not to freeze me, which, however, she did not escape. * * * * * * * * * * After dinner, went and sat with my poor invalid, whom, in spite of her republicanism, I am greatly inclined to like and admire. Remained with her till coffee-time. Went to the theatre: the play was the Merchant of Venice,--my favourite part, Portia. The house was very full: I played so-soish. * * * * * * * * * * _Tuesday, 25th, Christmas-day._ I wish you a merry Christmas, poor child! away from home and friends. Truly, the curse of the old Scriptures has come upon me; my lovers and my acquaintance are far off from me. After breakfast, practised for and hour; went and saw Mrs. ----; drove out shopping; saw ---- walking with my father. Came home and wrote journal: went out with D----; bought a rocking-horse for Mrs. ----'s chicks, whose merry voices I shall miss most horribly by and by. Dragged it in to them in the midst of their dinner. Dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with her till coffee-time. When I came into the drawing-room, found a beautiful work-box sent me by that very youthful admirer of mine, Mr. ----. I was a little annoyed at this, but still more so at my father's desiring me to return it to him, which I know will be a terrible mortification to him. Went to the theatre: the house was crammed with men, and very noisy,--a Christmas audience. Play, Macbeth: I only played so-so. Oh, me! these marks in the stream of time, over which it breaks as over a dam, drawing our attention, which without them would even less often note its rapid, rapid current! They do but become halting-posts for our souls, round which gather the memories of days and hours escaped and gone from us for ever.[77] * * * * *