United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"I wish that Inez were dead and in hell!" cried Douglas, with such an
accumulation of bitterness in his voice that Judith drew a quick breath.
"And I wish I could quit loving you! I tried my best to, all the time I
was at Charleton's. But I can't! It just grows as I grow and every day
it's a bigger pain and trouble to me. I wish I could have peace!"
"I wish I could have it myself!" ejaculated the girl. She rose suddenly.
"I'm so tired of this burning struggle. But I won't settle down to being
an old horse on a ranch. I will do something that gives me a chance to
use my brain. I will!"
She leaped into the saddle.
Douglas seized the mare's bridle. "Just what do you mean by being tired
of a burning struggle?" he demanded tensely. "Are you caring for
somebody, Jude?"
"Let me go, Douglas," said Judith.
For a moment, the two stared at each other in the fading light, then
Douglas released the bridle and Judith galloped away.
He stood very still for a long time, gazing down the dim line of the
trail. How lonely, how very lonely Judith appeared to be! How lonely,
for that matter, were most people, pondering in the solitude of their
own minds on all the matters of life that really counted. And how
utterly impossible it seemed to be for him and Judith to cross the
threshold of each other's reticences. More difficult perhaps for Judith
than for him. That, perhaps, was because she did not love him. Or
perhaps, because she was not capable of feeling sympathy for spiritual
hunger. But he put aside this thought, impatiently. No one could have
lived with Judith and not have learned that below her tempestuous nature
must be deeps greater than even she herself had realized. Why, O why,
could he never have more than a glimpse of those deeps! Evidently
something more than love was demanded as a password.
He had been able, quickly enough, at her request to formulate his own
demands on life. What were Judith's demands? Were they only for a love
that should be unhampered by the ordinary facts of life? He knew that
this could not be so. Yet, he had grown up with Judith, had asked her to
marry him, and had no idea of what her actual mental and spiritual needs
might be. Perhaps they were such that he never could satisfy them.
Perhaps Judith recognized this. Of course, she recognized it!--as a
bitter memory of her picture of marriage in Lost Chief returned to him.
With a groan he bowed his head against the smooth trunk of an aspen. How
utterly inexplicable women were! How bitter and how beautiful was this
scourging fire, called love!
CHAPTER XII
THE FIRST SERMON
"I ain't able to think. That's why I'm pretty generally happy."
--_Old Johnny Brown_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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