"God?" she exclaimed, passionately. "Yes! if I could speak to him,
could implore him, could pray to him! But I cannot, Agenor. Formerly,
when a grief oppressed me, a care or sorrow, I took my prayer-book and
prayed to the God of my fathers. Now I have no prayer-book--"
"We have the same God, and forms are unimportant."
She shook her head gloomily. "I have said that myself, but it is of no
use. How can I explain to you what goes around and around in my poor
head? One must have a language to pray in. I have forgotten the old
one, and do not know the new. You have taken me into many churches to
admire the exquisite paintings and the loftiness of the ceilings, but
you never asked how they affected me. I shivered when I stepped into
those cool halls out of the sunshine; I shivered through and through.
It was so strange, so ghostly, how could I ever learn to pray in a
church? Perhaps it would have been easier for me if I had been better
instructed in your faith; but I cannot even make the sign of the cross,
and if I could, how dare I do it? All I know about the Crucified One is
that he was a renegade rabbi, for whose sake all my race, even to the
present day, have to endure disgrace and persecution."
Agenor bowed his head, and said nothing. Now he understood that that
baptism was not merely a sin against the God of his catechism, but a
crime against a young, anxious, thirsting human soul. What could he
say? how was he to console her? There was only one thing to which he
could exhort her--her duty towards the tiny creature budding under her
heart. When he mentioned that, the rigidity left her face, and the
tears flowed again.
"Will the child be a pleasure to you?" she asked. "Will it never be a
burden?"
When his lips answered for his heart, the effect was what he wished. "I
will be strong," she promised. And she kept her word.
The days came again when she smiled and rejoiced in nature. He himself
shook off his fear of the world so far as to take short excursions with
her--to Brescia, to Lake Garda, and to Verona. In this city, in the
Garden of the Franciscans, where they were expected to admire an old
stone coffin, the Tomba di Giulietta, they passed the pleasantest hour
since that memorable day in Fiesole.
But it was to end sadly enough; for as they were wandering through the
gardens containing the sarcophagus, Agenor suddenly started, and
insisted on returning to the hotel, even on their departure from the
city, urging as a plea that he was not well. But as Judith, a half-hour
afterwards, looked on to the street, where her carriage was being made
ready, she discovered the reason. A gentleman was speaking to Jan in
Polish, who replied very curtly; the same gentleman she had seen,
without paying much attention to him, in the garden.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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