"_November 4._ In my prayer this morning I thanked God that I have come to grieve more over my moral disappointments than over my intellectual ones. With my natural talents I had nothing to do: with my use or abuse of them, everything. "I have thought, too, lately, of a reason why we should not neglect our duty to others for our real or supposed duty to ourselves. It is this: ourselves we have always with us; our fellows flit from our company, or pass away and we must help them when and while we can." On December 5 she hears "the bitter news of Abby May's death. Alas! and alas! for the community, for her many friends, and for the Club and the Congress in which she did such great silent service. God rest her in His sweet peace!" On Christmas Day she went to "Trinity Church, where I enjoyed Phillips Brooks's sermon. Felt much drawn to go to communion with the rest; but thought it might occasion surprise and annoyance. Going into a remote upper gallery I was present at the scene, and felt that I had my communion without partaking of the 'elements.' These lines also suggested themselves as I walked home:-- "The Universal bread, The sacrificial wine, The glory of the thorn-crowned head, Humanity divine." "The last day of the year dawned upon me, bringing solemn thoughts of the uncertainty of life, and sorrow for such misuse of its great gifts and opportunities as I am well conscious of. This has been a good year to me. It carried me to the Pacific slope, and showed me indeed a land of promise. It gave me an unexpected joy in the harmonious feelings toward me and the members of A.A.W. at the Detroit Congress. It has, alas! taken from me my dear pastor, most precious to me for help and instruction, and other dear and valued friends, notably Sarah Shaw Russell,[106] Abby W. May and Carrie Tappan.[107] I desire to set my house in order, and be ready for my departure; thankful to live, or willing to cease from my mortal life when God so wills...." [106] Mrs. George Russell, widow of the Doctor's friend and college chum. [107] Caroline Tappan was Caroline Sturgis, daughter of Captain William Sturgis, and sister of Ellen (Sturgis) Hooper,--member of the inmost Transcendentalist circle, and friend of Emerson, Ellery Channing, and Margaret Fuller. CHAPTER VI SEVENTY YEARS YOUNG 1889-1890; _aet._ 70-71 The seven decades of my years I figure like those Pleiad spheres Which, thro' the heaven's soft impulse moved, Still seek a sister star beloved. Thro' many sorrows, more delight, Thro' miracles in sound and sight, Thro' battles lost and battles won, These star-spaced years have led me on. Though long behind me shows the path, The future still its promise hath, For tho' the past be fair and fond, The perfect number lies beyond. J. W. H. She was dissatisfied with herself in these days.