When Hazlet _did_ come back to undergraduate life, he at once sought the
alienated friends from whom he had been separated ever since the
disastrous period of his acquaintanceship with Bruce. He came back to
them penitent and humble, with those convictions now existing in his
mind in their reality and genuineness, which before he had only
simulated so successfully as to deceive himself. I will not say that he
did not continue ignorant and bigoted, but he was no longer conceited
and malicious. I will not say that he never showed himself dogmatic and
ill-informed, but he was no longer obtrusive and uncharitable. His life
was better than his dogmas, and the sincerity of his good intentions
counteracted and nullified the ill effects of a narrow and unwholesome
creed. There were no farther inconsistencies in his conduct, and he
showed firmly, yet modestly, the line he meant to follow, and the side
he meant to take. As his conscience had become scrupulous, and his life
irreproachable, it mattered comparatively little that his intellectual
character was tainted with fanaticism and gloom.
I would not be mistaken to mean that he found his penitence easy, or
that he was, like Saint Paul, transformed as it were by a lightning
flash--"a fusile Christian." I say, there were--after his two
sicknesses and long suffering, and experiences bitter as wormwood--there
were, I say, no more _outward_ inconsistencies in his life; but I do not
say that _within_ there were no fierce, fearful struggles, so wearisome
at times that it almost seemed better to yield than to feel the
continued anguish of such mighty temptations. All this the man must
always go through who has warmed in his bosom the viper whose poisoned
fang has sent infection into his blood. But through God's grace Hazlet
was victorious: and as, when the civilisation of some infant colony is
advancing on the confines of a desert, the wild beasts retire before it,
until they become rare, and their howling is only heard in the lonely
night, and then even that sign of their fury is but a strange
occurrence, until it is heard no more; so in Hazlet, the many-headed
monsters, which breed in the slime of a fallen human heart, were one by
one slain or driven backwards by watchfulness, and shame, and prayer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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