As when in a hostile country one has laid aside his armour, and from
unregarded ambush the enemy leaps on him, and, though he be strong and
noble, stabs him with a festering wound, so this temptation to a base
act sprang on poor Kennedy when he was unarmed and unprepared. In the
gaieties of life, and the brightnesses of hope, and the securities of
unbroken enjoyment, he had long been trusting in himself only, in his
own high principle, his own generous impulses, his own unstained honour.
But these were never sufficient for any human being yet, and they
snapped in an instant under this unhappy boy.
The only honourable thing to do, the thing which at another moment
Kennedy might have done, and which any man would have done, whose right
instincts and high character had the reliable support of higher
principles than mere personal self-confidence and pride, would have been
to shut the book instantly, inform Mr Grayson that he had accidentally
read one of the questions, and beg him to change it before the
examination. This Kennedy knew well; it flashed before him in an
instant as the only proper course but at the same instant he
passionately obliterated the suggestion from his mind, fiercely stifled
the impulse to do right, choked the rebukes of honour and principle, and
blindly willed to save his reputation as a scholar, and his chance of
enjoyment for the vacation by reading through the entire number of the
questions. This mental struggle did not last an instant, for the
emotions of the spirit belong only to eternity, and the guilt of human
actions is not commensurate with the length of time they occupy. But in
the intense wish to see what the examination would be like, and to
secure his first class, Kennedy repressed altogether by one blow the
moral element of his being, and concentrated his whole intellect on the
paper before him. To read it through was the work of a minute; when it
was read through, it was too late to wish the act undone, and without
suffering himself to dwell, or even to recur in thought to the nature of
his proceedings, Kennedy deliberately read through the whole paper a
second time.
But this imperious effort of the will was not exercised without visible
effects. Absorbed as he was in seizing every prominent subject in the
questions, his forehead contracted, his hand shook, his knees trembled,
and his heart palpitated with violence. He observed nothing; he did not
notice the shadow that chequered the sunlight streaming from the door of
the inner room; he did not hear the light step which passed over the
carpet; he did not feel the breath of a man who stood behind him, looked
over his shoulder, watched his eager determination to secure the unfair
advantage, smiled at his agitation, and then slipped back again into the
inner room, unnoticed as before.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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