Linking his arm in mine, he led me towards a corner of the main room,
half hall, half kitchen, where a white tablecloth promised breakfast.
The “man” was already busying himself to and fro with plates and a
gleaming metal pot that steamed. I smelt coffee and the fragrance
of baked bread. But I listened half-heartedly to my host’s curious
words because every minute I expected the door to open. There was a
nervousness in me what I should find to say to such a woman when she
came.
Was there, as well, among my bolder feelings, a faint suspicion of
something else--something so slight and vague it hardly left a trace,
while yet I was aware that it had been there? I could not honestly say.
I only knew that, again, there stirred about my heart unconsciously
a delicate spider-web of resentment, envy, disapproval--call it what
one may, since it was too slight to own a definite name--that seemed
to wake some ghost of injustice, of a grievance almost, in the hidden
depths of me. It passed, unexplained, untraceable. Perhaps I smothered
it, perhaps I left it unacknowledged. I know not. So elusive an emotion
I could not retain a second, far less label. “Julius has found her; she
is his,” was the clear thought that followed it. No more than that. And
yet--like the shadow of a leaf, it floated down upon me, darkening,
though almost imperceptibly, some unknown corner of my heart.
And, remembering my manners, I asked after her indisposition, while he
laughed and insisted upon our beginning breakfast; she would presently
join us; I should see her for myself. He looked so happy that I yielded
to the momentary temptation.
“Julius,” I said, by way of compliment and somewhat late
congratulation, “she must be wonderful. I’m so--so very pleased--for
you.”
“Yes,” he said, as he poured coffee and boiling milk into my wooden
bowl, “and we have waited long. But the opportunity has come at last,
and this time we shall not let it slip.”
The simple words were not at all the answer I expected. There was a
mingling of relief and anxiety in his voice; I remembered that she “did
not always like it here,” and I wondered again what my “understanding”
was to be that he had promised would “come later.” What determined her
change of mood? Why did she sometimes like it, and sometimes not like
it? Was it loneliness, or was it due to things that--happened? Any
moment now she would be in the room, holding my hand, looking into my
eyes, expecting from me words of greeting, speaking to me. I should
hear her voice. Twice I turned quickly at the sound of an opening
door, only to find myself face to face with the “man”; but at length
came a sound that was indisputably the rustle of skirts, and, with
a quickening of the heart, I pushed my plate away, and rose from my
chair, turning half way to greet her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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