My mind searched carefully for words. To refer to any of my recent
impressions was difficult, even painful, and frank discussion of my
friend’s wife impossible--though, probably, there was nothing Julius
would not have understood and even welcomed.
“I--cannot deny,” I began, “that somewhere--in my imagination, perhaps,
there seems----”
He interrupted me at once. “Don’t suppress the imaginative
pictures--they’re memory. To deny them is only to forget again. Let
them come freely in you.”
“Julius----!” I exclaimed, conscious that I flushed a little, “but she
is wonderful; superior, too, in some magnificent way to--any----”
“Lady,” he came abruptly to my assistance, no vestige of annoyance
visible.
“To anyone of our own class,” I completed the sentence more to my
liking. “I admit I feel drawn to her--in a kind of understanding
sympathy--though how can I pretend that I--that this sense of
familiarity is really memory?” It was impossible to treat him lightly;
his belief was his life, commanding a respect due to all great
convictions of the soul. “You have found someone you can love,” I went
on, aware that it gave me no pleasure to say it, “and someone who loves
you. I--am delighted.”
He turned to me, standing hatless, the sunlight in his face, his eyes
fixed steadily upon my own.
“We had to meet--all three,” he said slowly; “sooner or later. It’s
an old, old debt we’ve got to settle up together, and the opportunity
has come at last. I only ask your sympathy--and hers.” He shrugged his
shoulders slightly. “To you it may seem a small thing, and, if you have
no memory, a wild, impossible thing as well, even with delusion in it.
But nothing is really small.” He paused. “I only ask that you shall not
resist.” And then he added gravely: “The risk is mine.”
I felt uneasiness; the old schooldays’ basis of complete sincerity was
not in me quite. I had lived too long in the world of ordinary men and
women. His marriage seemed prompted by an impersonal sense of justice
to the universe rather than by any desire for the companionship and
sweetness that a woman’s love could give him. For a moment I knew
not what to say. Could such a view be hers as well? Had she yielded
herself to him upon a similar understanding? And if not--the thought
afflicted me--might not this debt he spoke of have been discharged
without claiming the whole life of another in a union that involved
also physical ties?
Yet, while I could not find it in me to utter all I thought, there was
a burning desire to hear details of the singular courtship. Almost I
felt the right to know, yet shrank from asking it.
“Then nothing more definite stirs in you?” he asked quietly, his eyes
still holding mine, “no memory you can recognise? No wave of feeling;
no picture, even of that time when we--we three----”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account