Stupid with distress and pain, my heart was choked. I stared blankly in
return, the channels of speech too blocked to find a single syllable.
I raised my hands, though hardly knowing what I meant to do. She sat
up in the chair and looked a moment swiftly about the room. Her lips
parted for another question, but it did not come. I think in my face,
or in my gesture perhaps, she read the message of despair. She hid her
face behind her hands, leaned back with a dreadful drooping of the
entire frame, and let a sigh escape her that held the substance of all
unutterable words of grief.
I yearned to help, but it was my silence, of course, that brought the
truth so swiftly home to her returning consciousness. The awakening
was complete and rapid, not as out of common sleep. I longed to touch
and comfort her, yet my muscles refused to yield in any action I could
manage, and my tongue clung dry against the roof of my mouth.
Then, presently, between her fingers came the words below a whisper:
“I knew that this would happen ... I knew that once I slept, he’d go
from me ... and I should lose him. I tried ... that hard ... to keep
awake.... But sleep _would_ take me. An’ now ... it’s took him ... too.
He’s gone for--for very long ... again!” She did not say “for ever.”
It was the voice, the accent and the words again of Mrs. LeVallon.
“Not for ever,” I whispered, “but for a little time.”
She rose up like a figure of white death, taking my hand. She did not
tremble, and her step was firm. And more than this I never heard her
say, for the entire contents of the interval since she first fell
asleep beneath her husband’s passes had gone beyond recall.
“Take me to him,” she said gently. “I want to say good-bye.”
I led her up those creaking wooden stairs and left her with her dead.
Her strength was wonderful. I can never forget the quiet self-control
she showed through all the wretched details that the situation then
entailed. She asked no questions, shed no tears, moving brave and calm
through all the ghastly duties. Something in her that lay deeper than
death understood, and with the resignation of a truly great heart,
accepted. Far stronger than myself she was; and, indeed, it seemed
that my pain for her--at the time anyhow--absorbed the suffering
that made my own heart ache with a sense of loss that has ever since
left me empty and bereaved. Only in her eyes was there betrayal of
sorrow that was itself, perhaps, another half revival of yet dimmer
memories ... “eyes in which desire of some strange thing unutterably
burned, unquenchable....” For the first time I understood the truth of
another’s words--so like a statue was her appearance, so set in stone,
her words so sparing and her voice so dead:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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