It is most difficult to describe, and my pen, indeed, shrinks from
setting down so revolting a performance. Yet this curious high beauty
redeems it in my memory as I now recall the adventure through the
haze of years, and I believe the beauty was due to a deeper fact
impossible to convey in words. Behind the little “modern” experiment,
and parallel to it, ran another, older Memory that was fraught with
some significance of eternity. This parent memory penetrated and
overshadowed the smaller copy of it; it exalted what was ugly, uplifted
what seemed abominable, sublimated the distressing failure into an
image of what might have been magnificent. I mean, in a word, that
this experiment was a poor attempt to reconstruct an older ritual of
spiritual significance whereby those natural forces, once worshipped as
the gods, might combine with qualities similar to their own in human
beings. The memory of a more august and effective ceremony moved all
the time behind the little reconstruction. The beauty was derived from
my dim recollection of some transcendent but now forgotten worship.
* * * * *
At the appointed hour I made my way across the Bridge and towards the
Old Town where the University buildings stood. It was, as I said, a
bitter night. The Castle Rock and Cathedral swam in a flood of silvery
moonlight; frost sparkled on the roofs; the spires of Edinburgh shone
in the crystal wintry atmosphere. The air, so keen, was windless.
Few people were about at this late hour, and I had the feeling that
the occasional pedestrians, hurrying homewards in tightly-buttoned
overcoats, eyed me askance. No one of them was going in the same
direction as myself. They questioned my purpose, looked sharply over
their shoulders, then quickened their pace away from me towards the
houses where the fires burned in cosy human sitting-rooms.
At the door of the great square building itself I hesitated a moment,
hiding in the shadow of the overhanging roof. It was easy to pretend
that moral disapproval warned me to turn back, but the simpler truth is
that I was afraid. At the best of times the Dissecting Room, with its
silent cargo of dreadful forms and faces, was a chamber of horrors I
could never become hardened to as the majority of students did; but on
this occasion, when a theory concerning life alien to humanity was to
be put to so strange a test, I confess that the prospect set my nerves
a-quivering and made the muscles of my legs turn weak. A cold sensation
ran down my spine, and it was not the wintry night alone that caused it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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