About me the room held still as death, the battle of that earthly
storm against the walls and windows half unreal, or so remote as to
be not realised. Time paused a moment. I looked back. I lived as I
had been then--in another type of consciousness, it seemed. It was
marvellous, yet natural as in a dream. Only, as in a dream, subsequent
language fails to retain the searching, vivid reality. The living
_fact_ is not recaptured. I felt. I understood. Certain tendencies
and characteristics that were “me” to-day I saw explained--those that
derived from this particular period. What must be conquered, and why,
flashed sharply; also individuals whom to avoid would be vain shirking,
since having sown together we must reap together--or miss the object of
our being.
I heard strange names--Concerighé, Silvatela, Ziaz ... and a surge of
passionate memories caught at my heart. Yet it was not Egypt, it was
not India or the East, it was not Assyria or old Chaldea even; this
belonged to a civilisation older than them all, some dim ancient
kingdom that antedated all records open to possible research to-day....
I was in contact with the searching mind within that inner chamber.
His effort included me, making the deeps in me give up their dead.
I saw. He sought through many “sections.”... I followed.... There
was confusion--the pictures of recent days breaking in upon others
infinitely remote. I could not disentangle....
Very sharply, then, and with a sensation of uneasiness that was almost
pain, another figure rose. I saw a woman. With the same clear certainty
of recognition the face presented itself. Hair, lips, and eyes I saw
distinctly, yet somehow through a haze that veiled the expression.
About the graceful neck hung a soft cloth of gold; dark lashes screened
a gaze still starry and undimmed; there was a smile of shining teeth
... the eyes met mine....
With a diving rush the entire picture shifted, passing on to another
scene, and I saw two figures, her own and his, bending down over
something that lay stretched and motionless upon an altar of raised
stones. We were in shadow now; the air was cool; the perfume of the
open desert had altered to the fragrance that was incense.... The
picture faded, flashed quickly back, faded again, and once again was
there. I could not hold it for long. Larger, darker figures swam
between to confuse and blur its detail, figures of some swarthier
race, as though layers of other memories, perhaps more recent, mingled
bewilderingly with it. The two passed in and out of one another,
sometimes interpenetrating, as when two slides appear upon the
magic-lantern sheet together; yet, peering at me through the phantasmal
kaleidoscope, shone ever this woman-face, seductively lovely, haunting
as a vision of stars, mask of a soul even then already “old,” although
the picture was of ages before the wisdom of Buddha or the love of
Christ had stolen on the world....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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