Allegories; Fantasy fiction; Historical fiction; Middle Ages -- Fiction
Queen Helen, the delight of gods and men, replied nothing at all,
because there was no need, inasmuch as the man who has once glimpsed
her loveliness is beyond saving, and beyond the desire of being
saved.
"To-night," says Jurgen, "as once through the gray art of Phobetor,
now through the will of Koshchei, it appears that you stand within
arm's reach. Hah, lady, were that possible--and I know very well it
is not possible, whatever my senses may report,--I am not fit to
mate with your perfection. At the bottom of my heart, I no longer
desire perfection. For we who are tax-payers as well as immortal
souls must live by politic evasions and formulae and catchwords that
fret away our lives as moths waste a garment; we fall insensibly to
common-sense as to a drug; and it dulls and kills whatever in us is
rebellious and fine and unreasonable; and so you will find no man of
my years with whom living is not a mechanism which gnaws away time
unprompted. For within this hour I have become again a creature of
use and wont; I am the lackey of prudence and half-measures; and I
have put my dreams upon an allowance. Yet even now I love you more
than I love books and indolence and flattery and the charitable wine
which cheats me into a favorable opinion of myself. What more can an
old poet say? For that reason, lady, I pray you begone, because your
loveliness is a taunt which I find unendurable."
But his voice yearned, because this was Queen Helen, the delight of
gods and men, who regarded him with grave, kind eyes. She seemed to
view, as one appraises the pattern of an unrolled carpet, every
action of Jurgen's life: and she seemed, too, to wonder, without
reproach or trouble, how men could be so foolish, and of their own
accord become so miry.
"Oh, I have failed my vision!" cries Jurgen. "I have failed, and I
know very well that every man must fail: and yet my shame is no less
bitter. For I am transmuted by time's handling! I shudder at the
thought of living day-in and day-out with my vision! And so I will
have none of you for my wife."
Then, trembling, Jurgen raised toward his lips the hand of her who
was the world's darling.
"And so farewell to you, Queen Helen! Oh, very long ago I found your
beauty mirrored in a wanton's face! and often in a woman's face I
have found one or another feature wherein she resembled you, and for
the sake of it have lied to that woman glibly. And all my verses, as
I know now, were vain enchantments striving to evoke that hidden
loveliness of which I knew by dim report alone. Oh, all my life was
a foiled quest of you, Queen Helen, and an unsatiated hungering. And
for a while I served my vision, honoring you with clean-handed
deeds. Yes, certainly it should be graved upon my tomb, 'Queen Helen
ruled this earth while it stayed worthy.' But that was very long
ago.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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