Spyke, too, is in every way a well made-up man, being extremely tall
and lean of figure, with nice Saxon hair and whiskers, mild but
thoughtful blue eyes, an anxious expression of countenance, a thin,
squeaking voice, and features sufficiently delicate and regular for his
calling. His dress, too, is always exactly clerical. If he be cold and
pedantic in his manner, the fault must be set down to the errors of the
profession, rather than to any natural inclination of his own. But what
is singular of Brother Spyke is, that, notwithstanding his passion for
delving the heathen world, and dragging into Christian light and love
the benighted wretches there found, he has never in his life given a
thought for that heathen world at his own door-a heathen world sinking
in the blackest pool of misery and death, in the very heart of an
opulent city, over which it hurls its seething pestilence, and scoffs
at the commands of high heaven. No, he never thought of that Babylon of
vice and crime-that heathen world pleading with open jaws at his own
door. He had no thought for how much money might be saved, and how much
more good done, did he but turn his eyes, go into this dark world (the
Points) pleading at his feet, nerve himself to action, and lend a
strong hand to help drag off the film of its degradation. In addition
to this, Brother Spyke was sharp enough to discover the fact that a
country parson does not enjoy the most enviable situation. A country
parson must put up with the smallest salary; he must preach the very
best of sermons; he must flatter and flirt with all the marriageable
ladies of his church; he must consult the tastes, but offend none of
the old ladies; he must submit to have the sermon he strained his brain
to make perfect, torn to pieces by a dozen wise old women, who claim
the right of carrying the church on their shoulders; he must have
dictated to him what sort of dame he may take for wife;—in a word, he
must bear meekly a deal of pestering and starvation, or be in bad odor
with the senior members of the sewing circle. Duly appreciating all
these difficulties, Brother Spyke chose a mission to Antioch, where the
field of his labors would be wide, and the gates not open to
restraints. And though he could not define the exact character of his
mission to Antioch, he so worked upon the sympathies of the credulous
old lady, as to well-nigh create in her mind a resolve to give the
amount she had struggled to get and set apart for the benefit of those
two institutions (“the Tract Society,” and “The Home of the Foreign
Missions”), all to the getting himself off to Antioch.
CHAPTER XXI.
MR. SNIVEL PURSUES HIS SEARCH FOR THE VOTE-CRIBBER.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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