He was sure, however, that in many ways he was not like Philip
Davison, even though he had as a boy so admired Davison; and he was
glad to believe that these better traits he inherited from his mother.
Though he did not know it, from his mother he had inherited the iron
will which was manifesting itself. It had manifested itself in her
when she refused to turn back to the home from which she had fled, but
traveled on, weak and faint, until death claimed her. Her body had
broken, but her will had stood firm to the last; and it had shown
itself up to the end in her resolute manner of putting down in that
little book her story for the benefit of the child she hoped would
live after she had failed and passed on. To Ben, the child of the
first marriage, had descended Philip Davison’s weaknesses and from his
mother had come the slight stature and the pale face. Except in his
mental characteristics Ben resembled his father less than Justin did.
Justin did not sleep that night. He knew that Philip Davison was in
town, and he began to long to see him. This desire rose by and by as a
swelling tide, bearing with it the years’ suppressed longing for a
father’s love. As a child Justin had felt that inexpressible longing.
It had moved within him when Clayton came first to the preacher’s
house and he had pressed closely against Clayton’s unresponsive knees
while exhibiting the little Bible in which his mother had written.
Clayton had afterward satisfied that longing in a measure; but only
the knowledge that the touch of the hand laid on him was really the
touch of the hand of his own father could ever satisfy it fully.
So, through the years, that desire had yearned. Justin felt it again
now, deeper than hunger, more anguishing than thirst. And it was not
lessened by the feeling that Philip Davison might not wish to satisfy
it, and perhaps could not. For circumstances stood now like a wall
between this father and son; circumstances which were not the choice
of either, any more than were the intuitions and the motives, selfish
or otherwise, which led them. They had traveled by different paths,
and they stood apart. Nevertheless, the yearning was there, deep,
pathetic, and it seemed that it would never be appeased. Justin forgot
that white indignation that at first had burned with furnace heat
against Philip Davison. Love took its place. Philip Davison was his
father!
As this desire gained in strength Justin made an effort to see his
father. He decided that he would put that little diary into his
father’s hands and be guided by the result. He surely could trust the
better impulses of his own father! But he failed to find Davison. Fogg
was absent, probably in attendance upon some all-night caucus, and
Fogg was the only man likely to know where Davison could be found.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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