But it was not a begging letter. K. read it in the hall, with Sidney's
shining eyes on him. It began abruptly:--
“I'm going to Africa with one of my cousins. She is a medical
missionary. Perhaps I can work things out there. It is a bad station on
the West Coast. I am not going because I feel any call to the work, but
because I do not know what else to do.
“You were kind to me the other day. I believe, if I had told you then,
you would still have been kind. I tried to tell you, but I was so
terribly afraid.
“If I caused death, I did not mean to. You will think that no excuse,
but it is true. In the hospital, when I changed the bottles on Miss
Page's medicine-tray, I did not care much what happened. But it was
different with you.
“You dismissed me, you remember. I had been careless about a sponge
count. I made up my mind to get back at you. It seemed hopeless--you
were so secure. For two or three days I tried to think of some way to
hurt you. I almost gave up. Then I found the way.
“You remember the packets of gauze sponges we made and used in the
operating-room? There were twelve to each package. When we counted them
as we got them out, we counted by packages. On the night before I left,
I went to the operating-room and added one sponge every here and there.
Out of every dozen packets, perhaps, I fixed one that had thirteen. The
next day I went away.
“Then I was terrified. What if somebody died? I had meant to give you
trouble, so you would have to do certain cases a second time. I swear
that was all. I was so frightened that I went down sick over it. When
I got better, I heard you had lost a case and the cause was being
whispered about. I almost died of terror.
“I tried to get back into the hospital one night. I went up the
fire-escape, but the windows were locked. Then I left the city. I
couldn't stand it. I was afraid to read a newspaper.
“I am not going to sign this letter. You know who it is from. And I am
not going to ask your forgiveness, or anything of that sort. I don't
expect it. But one thing hurt me more than anything else, the other
night. You said you'd lost your faith in yourself. This is to tell you
that you need not. And you said something else--that any one can 'come
back.' I wonder!”
K. stood in the hall of the little house with the letter in his hand.
Just beyond on the doorstep was Sidney, waiting for him. His arms were
still warm from the touch of her. Beyond lay the Street, and beyond that
lay the world and a man's work to do. Work, and faith to do it, a good
woman's hand in the dark, a Providence that made things right in the
end.
“Are you coming, K.?”
“Coming,” he said. And, when he was beside her, his long figure folded
to the short measure of the step, he stooped humbly and kissed the hem
of her soft white dress.
Across the Street, Mr. Wagner wrote something in the dark and then
lighted a match.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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