So this was Tillie's new home! It was for this that she had exchanged
the virginal integrity of her life at Mrs. McKee's--for this wind-swept
little house, tidily ugly, infinitely lonely. There were two crayon
enlargements over the mantel. One was Schwitter, evidently. The
other was the paper-doll wife. K. wondered what curious instinct of
self-abnegation had caused Tillie to leave the wife there undisturbed.
Back of its position of honor he saw the girl's realization of her own
situation. On a wooden shelf, exactly between the two pictures, was
another vase of dried flowers.
Tillie brought the Scotch, already mixed, in a tall glass. K. would
have preferred to mix it himself, but the Scotch was good. He felt a new
respect for Mr. Schwitter.
“You gave me a turn at first,” said Tillie. “But I am right glad to see
you, Mr. Le Moyne. Now that the roads are bad, nobody comes very much.
It's lonely.”
Until now, K. and Tillie, when they met, had met conversationally on the
common ground of food. They no longer had that, and between them both
lay like a barrier their last conversation.
“Are you happy, Tillie?” said K. suddenly.
“I expected you'd ask me that. I've been thinking what to say.”
Her reply set him watching her face. More attractive it certainly was,
but happy? There was a wistfulness about Tillie's mouth that set him
wondering.
“Is he good to you?”
“He's about the best man on earth. He's never said a cross word to
me--even at first, when I was panicky and scared at every sound.”
Le Moyne nodded understandingly.
“I burned a lot of victuals when I first came, running off and hiding
when I heard people around the place. It used to seem to me that what
I'd done was written on my face. But he never said a word.”
“That's over now?”
“I don't run. I am still frightened.”
“Then it has been worth while?”
Tillie glanced up at the two pictures over the mantel.
“Sometimes it is--when he comes in tired, and I've a chicken ready or
some fried ham and eggs for his supper, and I see him begin to look
rested. He lights his pipe, and many an evening he helps me with the
dishes. He's happy; he's getting fat.”
“But you?” Le Moyne persisted.
“I wouldn't go back to where I was, but I am not happy, Mr. Le Moyne.
There's no use pretending. I want a baby. All along I've wanted a baby.
He wants one. This place is his, and he'd like a boy to come into it
when he's gone. But, my God! if I did have one; what would it be?”
K.'s eyes followed hers to the picture and the everlastings underneath.
“And she--there isn't any prospect of her--?”
“No.”
There was no solution to Tillie's problem. Le Moyne, standing on the
hearth and looking down at her, realized that, after all, Tillie must
work out her own salvation. He could offer her no comfort.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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