He went home again, and had forgotten the quarrel and forgotten marriage
or revolutions or anything: drifted away into the grey pre-world where
men didn’t have emotions. Where men didn’t have emotions and personal
consciousness, but were shadowy like trees, and on the whole silent,
with numb brains and slow limbs and a great indifference.
But Harriet was waiting for him rather wistful, and loving him rather
quiveringly. And yet even in the quiver of her passion was some of this
indifference, this twilight indifference of the fern-world.
Jack and Victoria came for the week-end, and Somers and Callcott met in
a much nearer sympathy than they had ever known before. Victoria was
always thrilled and fascinated by both the Somers: they had an
inexhaustible fascination for her, the tones of their voices, their
manner, their way with each other. She could not understand the strange
sureness they had in themselves, the sureness of what they were saying
or going to say, the sureness of what they were feeling. For herself,
her words fluttered out of her without her direct control, and her
feelings fluttered in her the same. She was one perpetually agitated
dovecot of words and emotions, always trying consciously to find
_herself_ amid the whirl, and never quite succeeding. She thought
someone might _tell_ her. Whereas the Somers had an unconscious
sureness, something that seemed really royal to her. But she had in the
last issue the twilight indifference of the fern-world. Only she still
quivered for the light.
Poor Victoria! She clung to Jack’s arm vibrating, always needing to
vibrate outwards. And he seemed to become more Australian and apathetic
every week. The great indifference, the darkness of the fern-world, upon
his mind. Then spurts of energy, spurts of sudden violent desire, spurts
of gambling excitement. But the mind in a kind of twilight sleep.
He made no more appeals. He was just static, and quite gentle. Even at
table he was half oblivious of the presence of the other people. Then
Victoria would poke him with her elbow, poke him hard, into
consciousness, and bring back the lively Jack that the Somers had first
known. Strange that the torpor had come on him so completely of late.
Yet there was a queer light in his eyes, as if he might do something
dangerous. And when he was once talking, he was perfectly logical and
showed surprising calm common-sense. When he was discussing or
criticising, he seemed so unusually sane as to be peculiar. Like a man
in his sleep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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