And Richard suddenly was faint--Jaz was leading him by the arm--leading
him away--in the city night that roared from the direction of the hall,
while men and women were running thither madly, and running as madly
away, and motor cars came rushing: and even the fire-brigade with bright
brass helmets--a great rush towards the centre of conflict--and a rush
away, outwards. While hats--white hats--Somers, in his dazed condition
saw three or four, and they occupied his consciousness as if they were
thousands.
“We must go back,” he cried. “We must go back to them!”
“What for?” said Jaz. “We’re best away.”
And he led him sturdily down a side street, while Somers was conscious
only of the scene he had left, and the sound of shots.
They went to one of the smaller, more remote Digger’s Clubs. It
consisted only of one large room, meeting room and gymnastics hall in
turn, and a couple of small rooms, one belonging to the secretary and
the head, and the other a sort of little kitchen with a sink and a
stove. The one-armed caretaker was in attendance, but nobody else was
there. Jaz and Somers went into the secretary’s room, and Jaz made
Richard lie down on the sofa.
“Stay here,” he said, “while I go and have a look round.”
Richard looked at him. He was feeling very sick: perhaps the bang over
the head. Yet he wanted to go back into the town, into the melee. He
felt he would even die if he did so. But then why not die? Why stay
outside the row? He had always been outside the world’s affairs.
“I’ll come with you again,” he said.
“No, I don’t want you,” snapped Jaz. “I have a few of my own things to
attend to.”
“Then I’ll go by myself,” said Richard.
“If I were you I wouldn’t,” said Jaz.
And Richard sat back feeling very sick, and confused. But such a pain in
his stomach, as if something were torn there. And he could not keep
still--he wanted to do something.
Jaz poured out a measure of whiskey for himself and one for Richard.
Then he went out, saying:
“You’d best stay here till I come back, Mr Somers. I shan’t be very
long.”
Jaz too was very pale, and his manner was furtive, like one full of
suppressed excitement.
Richard looked at him, and felt very alien, far from him and everybody.
He rose to his feet to rush out again. But the torn feeling at the pit
of his stomach was so strong he sat down and shoved his fists in his
abdomen, and there remained. It was a kind of grief, a bitter, agonised
grief for his fellow-men. He felt it was almost better to die, than to
see his fellow-men go mad in this horror. He could hear Jaz talking for
some time to the one-armed care-taker, a young soldier who was lame with
a bad limp as well as maimed.
“I can’t do anything. I can’t be on either side. I’ve got to keep away
from everything,” murmured Richard to himself. “If only one might die,
and not have to wait and watch through all the human horror. They are my
fellow-men, they are my fellow-men.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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