Country life -- Scotland -- Fiction; Domestic fiction; Scotland -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
"You are a good lad, John, and it is truly marvellous what charity I
have received at the hands of young men who might have scorned and
mocked me. God knows how my heart has been filled with gratitude, and
I . . . have mentioned your names in my unworthy prayers that God may
do to you all according to the kindness ye have shown unto me."
It was plain that this lonely, silent man was much moved, and
Carmichael did not speak.
"People consider that I am ignorant of my failings and weaknesses, and
I can bear witness with a clear conscience that I am not angry when
they smile and nod the head; why should I be? But, John, it is known
to myself only and Him before whom all hearts are open how great is my
suffering in being among my neighbours as a sparrow upon the housetop.
"May you never know, John, what it is to live alone and friendless till
you lose the ways of other men and retire within yourself, looking out
on the multitude passing on the road as a hermit from his cell, and
knowing that some day you will die alone, with none to . . . give you a
draught of water."
"Rabbi, Rabbi"--for Carmichael was greatly distressed at the woe in the
face opposite him, and his heart was tender that night--"why should you
have lived like that? Do not be angry, but . . . did God intend . . .
it cannot be wrong . . . I mean . . . God did give Eve to Adam."
"Laddie, why do ye speak with fear and a faltering voice? Did I say
aught against that gracious gift or the holy mystery of love, which is
surely the sign of the union betwixt God and the soul, as is set forth
after a mystical shape in the Song of Songs? But it was not for
me--no, not for me. I complain not, neither have I vexed my soul. He
doeth all things well."
"But, dear Rabbi"--and Carmichael hesitated, not knowing where he stood.
"Ye ask me why"--the Rabbi anticipated the question--"and I will tell
you plainly, for my heart has ever gone forth to you. For long years I
found no favour in the eyes of the Church, and it seemed likely I would
be rejected from the ministry as a man useless and unprofitable. How
could I attempt to win the love of any maiden, since it did not appear
to be the will of God that I should ever have a place of habitation?
It consisted not with honour, for I do hold firmly that no man hath any
right to seek unto himself a wife till he have a home."
"But . . ."
"Afterwards, you would say. Ah, John, then had I become old and
unsightly, not such a one as women could care for. It would have been
cruel to tie a maid for life to one who might only be forty years in
age, but was as seventy in his pilgrimage, and had fallen into unlovely
habits."
Then the Rabbi turned on Carmichael his gentle eyes, that were shining
with tears.
"It will be otherwise with you, and so let it be. May I live to see
you rejoicing with the wife of your youth."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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