Domestic fiction; England -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Married people -- Fiction
He moved about the room in an agony of spirit. He knew it to be
essential to his future happiness in life that he should be the
master in his own house. And he felt that he could not be so unless
he should be known to have been right in this terrible misfortune
with which their married life had been commenced. There was no
obliterating it, no forgetting it, no ignoring it. He had in his
passion sent her away from him, and, passionately, she had withdrawn.
Let them not say a word about it, there would still have been this
terrible event in both their memories. And for himself he knew that
unless it could be settled from the first that he had acted with
justice, his life would be intolerable to him. He was a man, and it
behoved him to have been just. She was a woman, and the feeling of
having had to be forgiven would not be so severe with her. She, when
taken a second time into grace and pardoned, might still rejoice and
be happy. But for himself, he reminded himself over and over again
that he was a man, and assured himself that he could never lift up
his head were he by his silence to admit that he had been in the
wrong.
But still his mind was changed,--was altogether changed by the coming
of his sister. Till she had come all had been a blank with him, in
which no light had been possible. He could see no life before him
but one in which he should be constantly condemned by his fellow-men
because of his cruelty to his young wife. Men would not stop to ask
whether he had been right or wrong, but would declare him at any rate
to have been stern and cruel. And then he had been torn to the heart
by his memory of those passages of love which had been so sweet to
him. He had married her to be the joy of his life, and she had become
so to his entire satisfaction when in his passion he had sent her
away. He already knew that he had made a great mistake. Angry as he
had been, he should not have thus sought to avenge himself. He should
have known himself better than to think that because she had been in
fault he could therefore live without her. He had owned to himself
when his sister had come to him that he must use her services in
getting his wife once again. Was she not the one human being that
suited him at all points? But still,--but still his honour must be
saved. If she in truth desired to come back to him, she would not
hesitate to own that she had been in fault.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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