“It hurts me more than I can tell you to have to say this to you,”
Helen said, “for you were right and true in your feeling. But did
you think that I was that, Mr. Harrison? Did you think that I really
loved you?”
Probably the good man had never been more embarrassed in his life
than he was just then. The truth to be told, he was perfectly well
aware why Helen had wished to marry him, and had been all along,
without seeing anything in that for which to dislike her; he was
quite without an answer to her present question, and could only
cough and stammer, and reach for his handkerchief. The girl went on
quickly, without waiting very long for his reply.
“I owe it to you to tell you the truth,” she said, “and then it will
no longer cause you pain to give me up. For I did not love you at
all, Mr. Harrison; but I loved all that you offered me, and I
allowed myself to be tempted thus, to promise to marry you. Ever
afterwards I was quite wretched, because I knew that I was doing
something wicked, and yet I never had the courage to stop. So it
went on until my punishment came yesterday. I have suffered
fearfully since that.”
Helen had said all that there was to be said, and she stopped and
took a deep breath of relief. There was a minute or two of silence,
after which Mr. Harrison asked: “And you really think that it was so
wrong to promise to marry me for the happiness that I could offer
you?”
Helen gazed at him in surprise as she echoed, “Was it so wrong?” And
at the same moment even while she was speaking, a memory flashed
across her mind, the memory of what had occurred at Fairview the
last time she had been there with Mr. Harrison. A deep, burning
blush mantled her face, and her eyes dropped, and she trembled
visibly. It was a better response to the other's question than any
words could have been, and because in spite of his contact with the
world he was still in his heart a gentleman, he understood and
changed color himself and looked away, feeling perhaps more rebuked
and humbled than he had ever felt in his life before.
So they sat thus for several minutes without speaking a word, or
looking at each other, each doing penance in his own heart. At last,
in a very low voice, the man said, “Helen, I do not know just how I
can ever apologize to you.”
The girl answered quietly: “I could not let you apologize to me, Mr.
Harrison, for I never once thought that you had done anything
wrong.”
“I have done very wrong indeed,” he answered, his voice trembling,
“for I do not think that I had any right even to ask you to marry
me. You make me feel suddenly how very coarse a world I have lived
in, and how much lower than yours all my ways of thinking are. You
look surprised that I say that,” he added, as he saw that the girl
was about to interrupt him, “but you do not know much about the
world. Do you suppose that there are many women in society who would
hesitate to marry me for my money?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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