“That may be true, Mr. Howard,” said Helen, sadly, “but it can do me
no good to know it. It does not make what happens to Arthur a bit
less dreadful to think of.”
“It is the most painful fact about all our wrong,” the other
answered, “that no amount of repentance can ever alter the
consequences. But, Miss Davis, that is a guilt which all creation
carries on its shoulders; it is what is symbolized in the Fall of
Man--that he has to realize that he might have had infinite beauty
and joy for his portion, if only the soul within him had never
weakened and failed. Let me tell you that he is a lucky man who can
look back at all his life and see no more shameful guilt than yours,
and no consequence worse than yours can be.” As Mr. Howard spoke he
saw a startled look cross the girl's face, and he added, “Do not
suppose that I am saying that to comfort you, for it is really the
truth. It oftens happens too, that the natures that are strongest
and most ardent in their search for righteousness have the worst
sins to remember.”
Helen did not answer for several moments, for the thought was
strange to her; then suddenly she gazed at the other very earnestly
and said: “Mr. Howard, you are a man who lives for what is beautiful
and high,--suppose that YOU had to carry all through your life the
burden of such guilt as mine?”
The man's voice was trembling slightly as he answered her: “It is
not hard for me to suppose that, Miss Davis; I HAVE such a burden to
carry.” As he raised his eyes he saw a still more wondering look
upon her countenance.
“But the consequences!” she exclaimed. “Surely, Mr. Howard, you
could not bear to live if you knew--”
“I have never known the consequences,” said the man, as she stopped
abruptly; “just as you may never know them; but this I know, that
yours could not be so dreadful as mine must be. I know also that I
am far more to blame for them than you.”
Helen could not have told what caused the emotion which made her
shudder so just then as she gazed into Mr. Howard's dark eyes. Her
voice was almost a whisper as she said, “And yet you are GOOD!”
“I am good,” said the man gently, “with all the goodness that any
man can claim, the goodness of trying to be better. You may be that
also.”
Helen sat for a long time in silence after that, wondering at what
was passing in her own mind; it was as if she had caught a sudden
glimpse into a great vista of life. She had always before thought of
this man's suffering as having been physical; and the deep movement
of sympathy and awe which stirred her now was one step farther from
her own self-absorption, and one step nearer to the suffering that
is the heart of things.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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