They took no heed of the time; but it was long after darkness had
fallen; and once when the girl had gone upstairs for a moment she
heard David pacing about, and then heard a stifled cry. She rushed
down, and stopped short in the doorway. For the man was upon his
knees, his face uplifted in wild entreaty. “Oh God, oh merciful
God!” he sobbed; “all the days of my life I have sought for
righteousness, labored and suffered to keep my soul alive! And oh,
was it all for this--was it to go down in blackness and night, to
die a beaten man, crushed and lost? Oh, I cannot bear it, I cannot
bear it! It cannot--it must not be!”
He sank forward upon the sofa, and buried his head in his arms, and
the girl could hear his breathing in the stillness; at last she
crept across the room and knelt down beside him, and whispered
softly in his ear, “You do not give me your heart any more, David?”
It was a long time before he answered her, and then it was to moan,
“Oh, Helen, my heart is broken, I can give it to no one. Once I had
strength and faith, and could love; but now I am lost and ruined,
and there is nothing that can save me. I dare not live, and I dare
not die, and I know not where to turn!”
He started up suddenly, clasping his hands to his forehead and
staggering across the room, crying out, “Oh no, it cannot be, oh, it
cannot be! There must be some way of finding pardon, some way of
winning Tightness for a soul! Oh God, what can I do for peace?” But
then again he sank down and hid his face and sobbed out: “In the
face of this nightmare,--with this horror fronting me! _She_ cried
for pardon, and none came.”
After that there was a long silence, with Helen crouching in terror
by his side. She heard him groan: “It is all over, it is finished--I
can fight no more,” and then again came stillness, and when she
lifted him and gazed into his face she knew not which was worse, the
silent helpless despair that was upon it, or the torment and the
suffering that had gone before. She tried still to soothe him,
begging and pleading with him to have mercy upon her. He asked her
faintly what he could do, and the poor girl, seeing how weak and
exhausted he was, could think of only the things of the body, and
begged him to try to rest. “It has been two nights since you have
slept, David,” she whispered.
“I cannot sleep with this burden upon my soul,” he answered her; but
still she pleaded with him, begging him as he loved her; and he
yielded to her at last, and broken and helpless as he was, she half
carried him upstairs and laid him upon the bed as if he had been a
little child. That seemed to help little, however, for he only lay
tossing and moaning, “Oh, God, it must end; I cannot bear it!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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