Livette would not die!--That idea caused him great joy, so great that
he was no sooner out-of-doors, away from the painful, wearisome
spectacle of the poor unconscious child, than he yielded, alas! to the
influence of the bright sunlight, and breathed at ease. He had already
ceased to think of Livette's sufferings. His satisfaction had already
ceased to be anything more than selfishness: not only would he not
have to reproach himself for her death, but, more than that, now that
she knew everything, was he not absolved, as it were? There was
nothing more for him to fear. The worst that could happen had
happened! And he actually felt as if a weight had been taken from his
shoulders, as if he were once more sincere in his dealings with
Livette, a better man, in short, thanks to what had happened. Although
he did not reason this out, the thought went through his mind. It was
what he felt. For everything serves the passion of love; it turns to
its own profit the very things that would naturally tend most to
thwart it. Moreover, he need feel no qualms of conscience, as he was
going to chastise the malignant creature, to kill her, in fact:--a
vile race!
No, she could not be far away. Doubtless, if she had planned the
catastrophe, she had concealed herself near at hand to see the result.
He rode back toward the bridge over the canal. No one had seen the
gipsy there. He descended the Rhône to the spot where they had left
the boat the night before. The boat was in the same place, fastened by
the same knot.
He began to fear that he might not find her. But when, after searching
two hours, he was certain of it, he was much surprised to find that he
did not feel the righteous wrath of the officer of justice at the
thought of a culprit eluding the vengeance of the law, but the sudden
distress of a betrayed lover. He did not cry to himself: "I shall not
have the pleasure of punishing her!" but: "I shall never see her
again!" And that cry burst forth in his heart as a fierce revelation
of unpardonable, pitiless love. What! he loved her! he loved her! and
he learned it for the first time at that moment! he admitted it to
himself for the first time!--yes, beyond cavil he loved her--_now_!
His heart failed him. He was bewildered. He felt a vague sense of
well-being, due to the mere joy of loving, marred by a feeling of
intense chagrin at the thought of the certain misery that lay before
him. He was horrified at himself, and, at the same moment, decided
upon his future course in a frenzy of excitement.
The physical power of love is superb and appalling. It stops at
nothing. And the man who is watching beside the dying or the dead,
even though it be some one who is dear to him, feels a thrill of joy
rush to his heart, if the being he loves with all the force of his
youth passes by.
Renaud had just held Livette almost dying in his arms, and already he
had no regret save for the other, for the woman he should have
trampled under his feet!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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