Knickerbocker's History of New York, CompleteIrving, Washington
History
Knickerbocker's History of New York, Complete
Irving, Washington
New York (State) -- History -- Colonial period, ca. 1600-1775
The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed and proportioned,
as though it had been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch statuary,
as a model of majesty and lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six
inches in height and six feet five inches in circumference. His head was
a perfect sphere, and of such stupendous dimensions, that Dame Nature,
with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to construct a neck
capable of supporting it; wherefore, she wisely declined the attempt, and
settled it firmly on the top of his backbone; just between the shoulders.
His body was oblong and particularly capacious at bottom, which was wisely
ordered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, and
very averse to the idle labor of walking.
His legs were short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had to
sustain; so that, when erect, he had not a little the appearance of a beer
barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the mind, presented a
vast expanse, unfurrowed by any of those lines and angles which disfigure
the human countenance with what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes
twinkled feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy
firmament; and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have taken toll of
everything that went into his mouth, were curiously mottled and streaked
with dusky red, like a Spitzenberg apple.
His habits were as regular as his person. He daily took his four stated
meals; appropriating exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted eight
hours, and he slept the remaining twelve of the four-and-twenty. Such was
the renowned Wouter Van Twiller--a true philosopher, for his mind was
either elevated above, or tranquilly settled below, the cares and
perplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, without feeling
the least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved round it, or it round
the sun; and he had watched for at least half century the smoke curling
from his pipe to the ceiling, without once troubling his head with any of
those numerous theories by which a philosopher would have perplexed his
brain in accounting for its rising above the surrounding atmosphere.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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