Knickerbocker's history of New York, vol. 1 (of 2)Irving, Washington
History
Knickerbocker's history of New York, vol. 1 (of 2)
Irving, Washington
New York (State) -- History -- Colonial period, ca. 1600-1775
Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed a most
belligerent look, and assured the council that he had devised an
instrument, potent in its effects, and which he trusted would soon drive
the Yankees from the land. So saying, he thrust his hand into one of the
deep pockets of his broad-skirted coat and drew forth, not an infernal
machine, but an instrument in writing, which he laid with great emphasis
upon the table.
The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife
does at a gun, fearful it may go off half-cocked. The document in
question had a sinister look, it is true; it was crabbed in text, and
from a broad red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about
the size of a buckwheat pancake. Still, after all, it was but an
instrument in writing. Herein, however, existed the wonder of the
invention. The document in question was a PROCLAMATION, ordering the
Yankees to depart instantly from the territories of their High
Mightinesses, under pain of suffering all the forfeitures and
punishments in such a case made and provided. It was on the moral effect
of this formidable instrument that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated, pledging
his valor as a governor that, once fulminated against the Yankees, it
would, in less than two months, drive every mother’s son of them across
the borders.
[Illustration: THE GREAT SEAL OF THE PROVINCE.]
The council broke up in perfect wonder; and nothing was talked of for
some time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast
genius of the governor, and his new and cheap mode of fighting by
proclamation.
As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having despatched his proclamation to the
frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small-clothes, and
mounting a tall raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural retreat of
Dog’s Misery. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed from the toils of
state, taking lessons in government, not from the nymph Egeria, but from
the honored wife of his bosom; who was one of that class of females sent
upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of
mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of _knowing women_. In
fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance
which was a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject
of scandal at more than half the tea-tables in New Amsterdam, but which,
like many other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years,—and
this was, that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little
men that ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of
government, neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato; in short, it
partook of the nature of a pure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly
denominated _petticoat government_—an absolute sway, which, although
exceedingly common in these modern days, was very rare among the
ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about the domestic economy
of honest Socrates; which is the only ancient case on record.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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