What made her weep so bitterly? She had long schooled herself to meet
aggression with the tranquil energy of a mind, that no contradiction of
fate can disappoint or surprise, for the reason that it is entirely
without hopes or wishes.
She believed that she had nothing to expect from life--nothing to gain.
Now, she had been suddenly reminded how much she had to lose.
First of all:--to a proud spirit the bitterest loss--confidence in her
own heart. Those unsparing words, concerning her relations with a
child, whom she had seen grow up to manhood, had sounded strange and
incomprehensible when she had first heard them--she believed that she
could shake them from her, as an insult. Other cares that had arisen
during that interview with her brother-in-law, had then appeared more
urgent. But as soon as she had found herself alone in her silent room,
all other cares had dissolved like shadows, and the words she had so
scornfully disowned--these words alone remained.
She thought over the ten years that had passed, since she had first
entered that dreary house; when the intimidated boy, dumb between his
adopted parents, who quarrelled over him daily, with ever-increasing
discord, had come to her at once, and poured forth all the sorrows of
his little heart to her, and had clung to her with overflowing love and
confidence. Without many words, he had understood that she was to be
his protectress.
It was a task she did not find easy always, especially as opposed to
her own sister. But the compensation was a thousandfold, in her
tenderness for the child, in whom his early hardships appeared to have
blighted all the gaiety and elasticity of his age; and now under her
genial influence, she saw these expand, brighter and more spontaneous,
from year to year.
And she knew that he owed her more than this mere deliverance from
bodily durance. She had been as indefatigable in the tending of his
mind; in helping him to complete in private, the defective education of
the common school which he attended daily. In this, she had no small
opposition to suffer from her pupil and his artistic tastes; not to
speak of her own inclination to do his bidding, instead of enforcing
hers. Far pleasanter she would have found it, to sit working by his
side, listening to his good-humoured rattle, while he was busy over
some architectural drawing; than to tie him down to the thread of a
weary lesson-book, that was to drag him through some dry essentials of
education. But in all things she had taught herself to consider, first
of all, his real wants and future welfare. She had never trifled with
her maternal duties, nor been childish with her child.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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